TCSTVS 2: Rolling in the Deep
by Tegan's Muse
Summary: Janeway/OFC Seven/B'Elanna Tegan has to deal with losing a patient followed quickly by an amorous virus that runs rampant on the ship. How will Janeway deal with the death and the virus? Will it push them together or apart?
1. Chapter 1

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 2:

Rolling in the Deep 1

"'Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly.'" Tegan broke the silence with her singing as she finished up the test she was running. "'Blackbird fly; Into the light of the dark black night.'" ¹

"Bravo Tegan." He smiled broadly and clapped his hands in the air.

"You really should announce your presence," she frowned at him.

"I didn't know you could sing."

"It's not something I broadcast." She put the petri dish back in the incubator.

"Why not? You have such a lovely voice." He looked over her shoulder.

"Whatever." She shook the compliment off and turned to him. "This better stay between us or I'll castrate you."

"You can't do that." He scrunched his mouth up.

"You don't think I can rewrite a program?" She raised her eyebrows. "Try me."

"Your secret is safe with me. But you know you, Seven and I could put together a nice little trio." He stepped back to a safer distance when she glared at him. "Fine, it's quitting time."

"The Captain get to you too?"

"No, I just don't want you working yourself into the ground."

"I was just checking my cultures before I headed out." She slipped out of her white lab coat and hung it in the office. "Have a good evening."

"You do the same." He watched her walk out.

* * *

Tegan had just gotten comfortable when she heard Chakotay's voice coming from the combadge on her night table. "Chakotay to Dr. Kiser."

"Yes Commander?" She picked it up and gave it her best evil eye even though he couldn't see her.

"I've told you it's Chakotay."

She sighed. "Sir, did you call for a reason?"

"Yes." He cleared his throat. "Captain Janeway canceled on a game of velocity; she said something about her head hurting and asked if we could skip it. I was wondering if you would mind checking on her?"

"Not at all." Tegan was already throwing the covers off her legs.

"Thanks."

She pulled her shorts and t-shirt off and slipped into a clean uniform before putting the combadge back in its designated spot. On the way out the door she grabbed her med kit.

"Computer who is it?" Janeway mumbled when the door chimed swearing to herself if it was Chakotay she was going to cut off his testicles and serve them to him at their next dinner together.

"Dr. Kiser." The computer answered.

If it had been anyone else she would have ignored them, as was she called out not bothering to move from the couch, "Come in."

Tegan stepped through the threshold when the doors opened. Her eyes scanned the dim interior and quickly located the Captain splayed out on the couch still in her uniform with a compress on her forehead and her arm thrown over her eyes. She immediately realized her services may actually be needed and that Janeway hadn't just used the pain as an excuse to get out of spending time on the holodeck with Chakotay. "Headache?"

"I didn't know you made house calls?" Janeway's voice was low.

"I think we've had this discussion recently or one similar." Tegan stepped up to the couch, squatted in front of it and pulled out her tricorder. Her voice was soft. "Can I give you an analgesic?"

"The Doctor gave me one an hour ago, it hasn't helped."

"You could have called him or me for that matter." She ran the tricorder slowly over and around Janeway's head.

"You're off duty." She peeked out from under her arm. "Computer lights to 20%."

"I'm never off duty Captain." She shook her head. "You could have left the lights at 15%."

"It's fine."

"I can give you something stronger than the analgesic you had." Tegan offered.

Janeway shook her head. "Like you Doctor, I am never off duty."

"Maybe tonight you should be." She tucked the tricorder away and stood up tilting her head to the side for a second as she studied Janeway's features. After thinking for a minute she walked over to the console. "Computer I need a 3:6:10 ratio of peppermint, lavender and almond oil warmed."

"Specify temperature."

"39 degrees Celsius."

"How come it never asks me that about my coffee?" Janeway asked as Tegan walked back over with the mixture of oils. "Shaman?"

"No, not really." Tegan sat the glass decanter of warm oil on the end table. "Pillow?"

"There's one on the chaise behind you." She pointed a long finger in the general direction.

Tegan grabbed the pillow. "I know this is a little unconventional…"

"You just had the computer replicate an essential oil blend for you; it doesn't get much more unconventional than that."

"I need you to sit up." When Janeway followed her directions she sat down cattycorner on the end of the couch, pulled one leg up and put the pillow in her lap. "Now lay back and get comfortable."

She looked at her like she had lost her mind.

"Do you trust me?"

"I suppose." Janeway slid down a little and lay with her head on Tegan's calf.

Tegan dipped her fingers into the warm oil and started rubbing small circles into her temples. She watched with mild curiosity as the tension in Janeway's expression melted away. Within 20 minutes she was fast asleep. "Computer dim lights to ten percent."

Around 0430 hours Janeway stirred. As soon as she registered that the warmth on her cheek was body heat she sat up realizing Tegan had stayed all night, again.

"How are you feeling?" Tegan's voice was quiet.

"My headache is completely gone." She let her eyes travel Tegan's body in the ambient lighting of her cabin remembering the gentle ministrations from the night before.

"You drooled on me." Tegan grinned when Janeway reached up and wiped her thumb on the side of her mouth only to find it was dry.

"Funny." Janeway tiled her head off center slightly as she ran her hands over her uniform pants. "You could have gone."

"You were sleeping so peacefully, I was afraid if I moved I would wake you." She cleared her throat clearly stepping back into the role of doctor. "You needed the rest."

"How long was I asleep?"

"Eight hours, roughly." Tegan slid her foot onto the floor and waited for the circulation to return to it. Eight hours was a long time to have the lower half of her body in one position.

Janeway watched her stand and stretch out her back. "I want you to take the day off."

"I'm fine." Tegan ran her hand through her hair.

"You haven't slept," Janeway reasoned. Sometimes she wished Tegan would remain the ever consummate professional instead of wavering back into her obstinacy. She supposed the two went hand in hand and couldn't deny her own stubbornness.

"I got a few hours." Ten minutes here and ten minutes there equaled a few hours by Tegan's calculations.

"I doubt it." Janeway stood glad that the polyester blend in Starfleet uniforms didn't lend to wrinkling, since giving orders in a wrinkled uniform seemed preposterous to her. She quickly combed out her short bob with her fingers and turned to look at Tegan. "It's not negotiable."

"You're ordering me to take the day off?" She asked just to clarify.

"I am."

"Can I do anything else for you?" Tegan picked up her medical bag and tried to keep the cold out of her tone.

Janeway reached forward and touched Tegan's forearm. "Thank you for taking care of me last night."

Tegan looked down at the thin fingers on her sleeve wondering if Janeway had felt the jolt of electricity or if it was all in her mind. She shook her head. "I was doing my job."

Janeway wished she could get her to be a little less modest and just accept that she had gone above and beyond her duty.

* * *

¹ Blackbird written by Paul McCartney


	2. Chapter 2

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 2:

Rolling in the Deep 2

"Captain." Neelix looked up from the galley as she walked in just after midnight.

"You're here awfully late Mr. Neelix." Janeway gave him a tired smile.

"I was just getting a head start on tomorrow's dinner. I wanted the chicken to marinate."

"Chicken," She hummed. "Sounds good."

"How was your weekly dinner with Chakotay?"

"It was nice. The replicator decided to heat our salad though." She rubbed her forehead. "Did Tegan make it to the mess hall tonight?"

"I don't believe she did Captain." He thought for a second. He was certain she hadn't but he didn't want to burn any bridges between them before they were ever built. "But things got really busy for a while and you know how my memory is."

"Thanks." Janeway turned around knowing Neelix's memory wasn't ineffectual. "Computer locate Dr. Kiser."

"Dr. Kiser is in sickbay."

She didn't suppress the frown as it pulled at her features. "How long as she been there?"

"Dr. Kiser has been in sickbay for eighteen hours and twenty minutes."

Janeway sat her coffee cup on the nearest table and headed for the exit.

It had been a long day. After being up with Janeway most of the night Tegan had tried to catch a few hours of sleep and when that didn't work she went down to the infirmary to have the Doctor do his second treatment on her arm, this time she opted for pain meds before he ever started. She hung out on a bed at his request until around 1700 hours; she was just about to head out when a plasma conduit ruptured causing a small explosion in engineering and sending five people to sickbay with varying degrees of plasma burns. She had just finished up with the last patient and was finally leaving.

"Have a good night Tegan." The Doctor looked over the patients that would be enjoying an extended stay.

"You too, you know how to find me if you need me." She rubbed the back of her neck as she stepped into the corridor.

"Less than 20 hours," Janeway barked.

Tegan's head popped up and she let her hand drop to her side, the landscape of her face scrunched in confusion.

"Did I not give you a direct order to take the day off this morning?"

"Yes ma'am." She closed her mouth then opened it to say something before stretching up into attention and closing it again.

She held a solitary finger in the air. "No excuses. It was a direct order, and a simple one at that. If you can't follow simple orders, how are you going to follow the ones that really matter?"

"You're right Captain." She set her jaw. "Brig?"

"I'm afraid it's the only way you are going to learn." She said the word with more reserve than she felt. "Yes."

Tegan nodded and led the way to the turbo shaft, when they stepped out of the lift she pulled her combadge free from her uniform and handed it off to the Ensign standing at his post. She walked into the cell and turned to face Janeway, her arms at her side, her back straight and tall as the force field engaged.

Janeway crossed her arms in front of her. "One week."

"Will you let the Doctor know?"

"I will." She nodded and stepped over to the security officer currently assigned to the brig. "No visitors."

"Aye Captain."

* * *

She waited until she got to her quarters to activate her combadge. "Janeway to the Doctor."

"What can I do for you Captain?"

"I wanted to let you know that Dr. Kiser will not be reporting for duty for the next week."

"May I ask why?"

"She's spending some time in the brig."

"What did she do this time?" His curiosity got the better of him.

"Failed to follow orders."

"Gee, I wish I could throw people in the brig for that." He grumbled.

"Good night Doctor." She shook her head.

"Good night Captain."

She stood in front of the long couch staring out the viewport with a mug of warm coffee wrapped in her fingers. She didn't know why she couldn't sleep. It wasn't like she hadn't given Tegan fair warning. More than fair warning she thought to herself but she still couldn't get that scene out of her head. How Tegan's mouth had opened and then closed even before she dared her to protest. The steely reserve that flooded her features when she turned to look at her from inside the brig, as if nothing could break her. Maybe that wasn't the look she reasoned. No she knew the look; it was the look of the good soldier taking her punishment. It was never her intention to break her. If she could have let it slide, she would have but she had to show Tegan, Lieutenant Kiser that there were consequences to not following orders. She wondered if her actions were so justified, then why was she still unable to sleep? She didn't feel guilty throwing anyone else in the brig and she would be damned if she was going to let Tegan change that for her.

* * *

After Janeway left, Tegan sat down on the bunk and stared at the wall opposite the force field. From where she was sitting she couldn't see the Ensign working security and she preferred it that way. One week, it would be a piece of cake. The biggest problem would be trying to stay awake to keep the demons that haunted her nightmares at bay. The last thing she wanted was to be known as the girl who requested a stuffed frog while in the brig. She would be the laughing stock of Voyager and she wouldn't be left with a single shred of dignity.

"No problem," she muttered to herself.

When her head fell forward she jerked it back upright and started moving around the cell. There was just enough room to pace but she quickly tired of that and moved on to doing pushups followed by jumping jacks. She needed to do something to stay in shape while she was on Voyager and being stuck in the brig meant she couldn't get too creative.

After a few hours of restless sleep Janeway got up headed to the holodeck where she played several rounds of velocity against a hologram that never went easy on her. She followed it up with a nice hot bubble bath and then walked onto the bridge surprising night shift with the unexpected visit. She pointed to her ready room. "I'm just passing through."

* * *

At some point Tegan fell asleep and woke up as her entire body thudded with each frantic beat of her heart. When she looked up there was a concerned Lieutenant standing outside her cell. "I guess I screamed."

"Yes, are you alright?"

"I'm fine." She narrowed her gaze on him trying to remember his name. "You tell anyone and I'll exact my revenge at your next physical."

He nodded and returned to his post.

* * *

The first twenty-four hours after she had left Tegan in the brig had been busier than normal; she hadn't even had time to read the daily reports from two days ago. She'd only been in her ready room for five minutes when Harry came in to let her know a vessel was approaching. She stepped onto the bridge to find they were entering an area with 'protected' space life in it and would have to be escorted through. She really didn't like not being able to explore the life forms that existed in that particular pocket of space but they weren't being given a choice. It was be escorted through in a week or spend two months going around the protected area. There really was nothing of major importance happening but it was enough to keep her busy and help her to sleep a little sounder.

At 0914 Tegan had just finished 100 jumping jacks when the ship suddenly listed to the right and the lights flickered before the entire brig was plunged into darkness. A second later Voyager lurched to the left sending Tegan off balance and throwing her into the still active force field. She gasped and jerked back from the unexpected shock it sent through her arm.

"The force field is still activated." The security officer spoke from his post.

"No shit Sherlock."

"Sorry, I meant that as a question."

"Yes, it is." She growled.

"The com system is down. Will you be alright while I check in with Commander Tuvok and engineering?"

"I'm not afraid of the dark but if any little green men attack me while you're gone I'm sure the Captain will have your head." She spoke into the pitch black that surrounded them.

"We haven't encountered any little green men."

"It was a joke." She hadn't been afraid of the dark since she was a little kid and she didn't plan on starting now. "I'll be fine."


	3. Chapter 3

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 2:

Rolling in the Deep 3

"I'll be in my ready room catching up on reports. Chakotay you have the bridge." She decided to take advantage of the relative quiet since power had partially and mysteriously gone out to catch up on her backlog of reports. There wasn't anything of concern in the security reports which she always read first. The bridge reported a burst plasma conduit over 40 hours earlier, but she'd heard about that before Chakotay showed up for dinner at her quarters. Engineering reported that they replaced the conduit and there had only been minor injuries from the explosion which she'd also been aware of. She was missing her medical reports from both days, which wasn't like Tegan or the doctor. She sighed as she decided she would just walk over and see if he was late delivering it.

"Has power been restored?" She asked as she passed through.

"There are a few bad energy cells that disrupted power to the stabilizers temporarily and certain parts of Voyager. B'Elanna is trying to locate the others now but she has replaced the one to the stabilizers." Chakotay stood to move back to his seat but she waved him down.

Janeway nodded. The bad power cells explained why only certain systems in certain areas were being affected.

"Maybe she should get Seven to help her." Harry chuckled.

"That's not a bad idea Ensign." Janeway turned to the door. "In the meantime I'm going to track down my missing medical report."

"It might be in the brig." Tom offered but withered under the warning look he received from Janeway.

"How may I help you Capatain?" The EMH turned from his only patient, the crewman who received the worst of the burns and had to remain there for several treatments.

"I was told the injuries were all minor." She looked over at the sedated crew member.

"Amateurs, everyone thinks they're a medical diagnostician." He held his hand up and waved all his fingers in the air. "Five injuries came in; two were what I would consider minor. Dr. Kiser had come in that morning for treatment and despite her own pain she stayed that night to help me stabilize the other three. I was able to send two of those back to their quarters around 0400 hours. It's all in my report which I was just finishing up." He held the PADD up. "Captain, are you ok? You look pale."

She stood there quietly as naked sumo wrestlers threw each other around in her stomach and sharks circled in her head.

The Doctor reached out and touched her arm. "Maybe you should sit down."

"No, I'm fine." She shook her head and without another word walked out. That was what Tegan was going to tell her before she decided it didn't matter, before she had told her she didn't want to hear her excuses. She should have felt guilty. She never should have put Tegan in the brig for doing her job. She had been self-righteous and pigheaded. She was also a hypocrite; Tegan wasn't the only person on board with a warped work ethic. She wasn't sure how but she would make up the 34 hours Tegan had been locked away.

She was four feet from the brig entrance when the lights came back on and she stormed in like a funnel cloud, disrupting the air around her. The lone security officer was standing in front of Tegan's cell and turned to see her. "Captain, I was just getting ready to—"

"What happened?" She pushed him aside with her mere presence. Her eyes searched the cell quickly finding the shock of red hair a top a body that was curled so tightly in a ball it looked more like a rope tied in a knot than a real person. She wasn't even sure how she'd managed to contort her body like that in the cramped space between the bunk and the floor.

"When we lost lighting I had to leave to report to Commander Tuvok." He watched Janeway nod. "And then I went from there to engineering and back here. The lights came on less than a minute after I got back and that's how I found her."

"Computer lower force field, authorization code Janeway Omega one zero five." She waited for it to deactivate. "Return to your post Ensign. Tegan I'm coming in."

She didn't expect a response and she wasn't disappointed.

"What have I done?" A whispered breath escaped her lips as she rushed forward falling to her knees in front of the bunk. "Tegan?"

She recoiled from Janeway's outstretched hand retreating further into the tiny corner, her body quivered as she tried to pull it into itself even more.

Janeway knew she could release the bunk to get to her if she needed to but she wanted to give her the opportunity to come out on her own. She wanted her to feel safe so she slid back just enough that she still could see into the dark recess and sat with her back against the wall. She let thirty minutes pass before she spoke again. "I came down to release you."

In the silence that followed she thought she heard a sniffle. She'd had all she could take. If she'd broken Tegan this badly she was going to have to fix it and that meant pulling the bunk up to get to her. Normally she'd get a security officer to help but she knew how private a person Tegan was and she didn't want any witnesses. She pushed herself off the floor and walked to the cell entrance. "Ensign if you could step out please."

"Certainly ma'am."

When he had gone she turned back around. "If you don't come out I'm coming to you."

She waited a minute before she walked over and reached under the lip of the padded bunk to search for the release latches. Once she found them she squeezed them and flipped the platform up. She didn't think Tegan could make herself any smaller but she managed to squeeze her head further into the tiny v made by her knees and torso. Janeway's chest felt as tight as the human ball on the floor at her feet as she dropped down to envelop her in her arms from behind.

"I made a mistake." She spoke into Tegan's shoulder.

"I didn't do it." Tegan's voice sounded child-like as it cracked. "I didn't kill her. I didn't. I didn't kill them."

"What?" Janeway's tone was soft. "Who didn't you kill?"

"My mother." She breathed so quietly into her body Janeway had to strain to hear her. "My grandmother."

"Shhh." Janeway purred as she rocked Tegan in her arms until her body relaxed. She had been holding her for over an hour, raking her fingers through silky red tresses when she felt her body jerk and tense. "It's ok."

Tegan scrambled to her feet a slight haze of confusion masking her features briefly. "Captain?"

"Yes." Janeway nodded as she found her own feet and Tegan stepped away.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to release you from the brig. It seems I made a mistake." She studied her face carefully, the dutiful soldier was back and she wondered what had happened to the distraught little girl. She wasn't exactly sure what had just happened but she was pretty sure Tegan didn't suffer from multiple personality disorder.

"A mistake?" Tegan avoided making eye contact, something that jumped out at the Captain as out of character for her.

"I should have asked you why you had been in sick bay for over 18 hours instead of insisting that the rules I set forth were written in stone."

Tegan's head nodded ever so slightly.

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah." Tegan cleared her throat. "No problem."

Janeway stepped into her line of vision and watched as Tegan shifted her eyes away. "I didn't think you were afraid of the dark."

"I'm not." She puffed her chest up.

"I think there is more that you're afraid of than you are willing to admit."

"Captain?" This time her eyes were at least on her face, staring at her lips.

"Oh I'm not saying you're afraid of the dark Tegan." She shifted her weight. "I want you to meet me in my quarters in an hour. And do me a favor?"

"Ma'am?"

"Try and leave your armor behind."

On her way to her own quarters Janeway saw B'Elanna in the hall. "Lieutenant Torres."

"Captain?" She turned see Janeway coming up the corridor.

"I know you broke into Dr. Kiser's quarters."

"She told you?" B'Elanna was pretty sure Tegan didn't.

"No, I just know you—you hear someone scream in the middle of the night and you're going to check it out."

"Um, yeah." She nodded.

"I have a question." Janeway knew it was an odd question but asked it nonetheless. "Does she sleep with any ambient lighting?"

"No, pitch black. Why?"

"Idle curiosity." Janeway shrugged.

"Uh huh. She's in the brig, the lights went out there and now you're asking if she's afraid of the dark."

"That's not what I asked."

"Might as well have."

"B'Elanna." Her timbre dropped a few octaves.

B'Elanna bowed her head slightly. "This conversation never happened, got it."


	4. Chapter 4

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 2:

Rolling in the Deep 4

"Come in." Janeway called from her couch.

Tegan walked in in a clean uniform with her hair still slightly damp.

"You could have dressed in something more comfortable, it's not a formal meeting."

Tegan chewed on the inside of her bottom lip. "I'm comfortable in my uniform, ma'am."

Janeway was still in her uniform as well. It was rare that she actually wore anything different. She patted the couch next to her. Tegan looked at the empty chaise before settling on the couch where Janeway obviously wanted her to sit. "Coffee? Oh wait, you're a hot chocolate girl."

Before she could decline Janeway was already placing the order and getting up to retrieve it.

"Computer one European dark hot chocolate made with two percent milk and topped with whipped cream." She brought the mug over and handed it to Tegan. "I think it actually made it hotter than it does my coffee."

"Thank you." Tegan wondered how she knew she liked hot chocolate, it was a discussion she'd had briefly with B'Elanna in the mess hall. As she recalled the memory she remembered the captain being present two tables over. She leaned forward and sat the mug down on the on the coffee table as Janeway took up residence beside her.

She didn't waste any time getting to the point. "What happened in the brig earlier?"

"The lights went out." It seemed like the most logical answer to her.

"Yes they did, but you're not afraid of the dark. Right?"

"No, I'm not." She ran her hand down her thigh as if she was ironing imaginary wrinkles out of her uniform before she intertwined her human fingers with her biomechanical ones and rested them on her lap.

Janeway reached up and put her hand on her shoulder. "What are you afraid of then?"

Tegan shook her head and moved to the edge of the couch causing Janeway to pull back. She stood up and walked to a small clear area in front of the large view port and looked out at all the stars. She clasped her hands behind her but stood less rigidly than Seven would have. She supposed there were plenty of things in this recess of space to be afraid of but they didn't scare her. "Nothing."

"Really?" She made no attempt to move but watched Tegan's every move. "Everyone is afraid of something."

"Not me." Tegan turned and looked at her. "Everything I've ever been afraid of is in my past."

"Your timeline?"

"No." She shook her head.

Janeway realized trying to talk about what frightened her wasn't going to get her any answers so she decided to try a different approach. "In the brig you said you killed someone."

"I did?" She moved back to the couch and sat down before her knees gave out on her.

"Yes, and when I asked who you said your mother and your grandmother. You were huddled in a tiny ball under the bunk, what happened?"

Tegan sighed. "I—uh—I remember the power going out and telling the security officer I would be fine. And then…"

Janeway watched as she closed her eyes.

"I must have had a flashback. I remember thinking I hadn't been afraid of the dark since I was a little kid, since I had been locked in the closet after my grandmother died." She opened her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Who locked you in the closet?"

"Randall, my dad, he's the only thing I've ever really been afraid of." She leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees. She felt so naked baring her past like this to anyone, but especially her Captain. "My maternal grandmother was my caretaker until the day after my fourth birthday when she had a heart attack, my dad blamed me for her death just like he did my mom's. It was my grandmother's death that eventually led me into medicine."

She reached over and rubbed Tegan's back. "You were four, it wasn't your fault."

"Yeah." Tegan mumbled and rubbed the pads of her thumb and forefinger over her eyes. She didn't know why she didn't leave it there. Why her mouth kept moving. "My dad wasn't a good guy, at least not to me. He didn't think I was his child, my mom told him she was raped because she wasn't supposed to get pregnant due to the extremely high chance she wouldn't survive childbirth.

"She refused to abort me and made him promise to raise me. He took her death out on me. He called me every year on my birthday to tell me it was the whatever year anniversary of the day I killed my mother. He even threatened to kill me when I was thirteen, right after I graduated from high school, gun shoved in my face and all. Later he really did try to kill me but he was caught and put behind bars for killing his second wife and attempted murder of yours truly."

"That's awful."

"No it's not." She shrugged as Janeway pulled her hand away. "Every kid has a boogeyman, he was mine."

"Most kids' boogeymen are nothing more than part of their overactive imaginations."

"If they're lucky enough. I don't talk about it. I rarely if ever think about it." She sat up straight and tried to square her shoulders.

Janeway watched her pull her armor back on. "It doesn't make you weak."

"I'm sure that's not what you were thinking when you saw me curled up under the bunk in the brig."

"We all have our moments Tegan. It doesn't mean we are weak. I'd say you turned out pretty well considering and maybe it helped make you the strong warrior you are today."

"Warrior," she laughed. "You're confusing me with B'Elanna."

"Not at all."

Tegan shifted on the couch so she could look more directly at Janeway. "I'm tired, if there is nothing else I'd like to retire to my quarters."

"No, you more than answered my questions. I do want to apologize again for my haste in throwing you in the brig."

"If the power had stayed on I could have done the week standing on my ear." Tegan grinned.

"Let's try not to test that theory out."

"Yes ma'am." Her head bobbed.

"You can go." She watched her walk to the door before getting her attention again. "Tegan?"

"Yes?" She turned back to see Janeway standing up.

"I expect you to return to duty tomorrow morning."

"Yes ma'am." She couldn't contain the grin that spread across her lips.

* * *

"Did you escape?" The doctor asked when Tegan walked into the sickbay the next morning.

"What?" She gave him a strange look and then shook her head. "No, turns out it was all a misunderstanding."

"Really?" He craned his neck toward her.

"The Captain made a mistake."

"That doesn't sound like Captain Janeway."

"She's human." Tegan shrugged.

"What was the mistake?"

"She thought I had disobeyed a direct order."

"Because you were off and you were here?" He watched her pick up a PADD and look at the day's schedule.

"Yes and I guess technically since I helped with that emergency I didn't follow her orders."

"So what did you learn from all this?"

"That the Captain isn't infallible." She grinned and turned as the topic of conversation walked in. She cleared her throat and sucked half of her bottom lip between her teeth before pulling it out with a quiet pop. "Captain, what can we do for you?"

Janeway watched her tongue slip out from between her lips to wet them before sliding almost nervously back into the warm recess of her mouth. She took a deep breath and tried to focus on the reason she had come down but she suddenly couldn't remember. She looked around and rather than admit to her folly or cover it with a white lie, she just turned and left.

"That was odd." The doctor's brow wrinkled.

"You're telling me." Tegan continued to stare at the door.

* * *

Tegan walked into the mess hall and B'Elanna called from where she was sitting a couple tables from the entrance. "Hey Flash, how'd you manage to bust out?"

"The Captain let me out on good behavior."

Janeway who was standing over at the galley counter looking over the dinner selections looked up at Tegan and smiled.

Tegan turned and spotted Janeway sporting her curious grin. She stepped up to the counter and lifted her chin. "Captain."

"I'm glad you're not harboring a grudge."

"Why would I?"

Her smile faded and a small frown formed on her forehead. "Why wouldn't you?"

"You're my commanding officer for one and in all technicality I disobeyed a direct order from you, extenuating circumstances notwithstanding."

"Well when you put it that way, do you want to finish your time?" She lifted a brow and grinned slyly.

"Only if you wish for me to." She showed no fear over returning to the brig.

"No," Janeway shook her head, "I don't. Eat and enjoy your evening."

"Thank you Captain. You do the same."

"Do you want to go rock climbing with me when you finish your shift tomorrow?" B'Elanna asked as Tegan joined her and Harry.

"Seven isn't going to attack me for going out with her girl or anything, is she?"

B'Elanna laughed. "She doesn't like rock climbing."

"What makes you think I do?"

"You're right," B'Elanna shrugged. "You're probably too weak to rock climb. What, with that gimp arm and all."

Tegan shook her head as her face reddened. "Oh, you are so on!"


	5. Chapter 5

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 2:

Rolling in the Deep 5

"How are things between you and Seven?" Tegan found a tiny foot hold and wedged her foot in. "I haven't heard any Borg-Klingon sex sounds coming through my walls."

B'Elanna blushed as she reached up to a rock outcropping. "We're taking it slow. Painfully slow."

"So you bite her and then you court her?"

"Something like that." B'Elanna hefted herself up so she was level with Tegan. "Third date I finally got to first base, well kind of. She let me kiss her cheek."

"Ouch, painful is right." Tegan laughed.

"Did you two go swimming on the holodeck?" Janeway asked when she saw Tegan and B'Elanna come out with their clothes clinging wetly to sweat soaked skin.

"Rock climbing." Tegan beamed.

"It must have been an extreme climb." She tried to keep her mind from going places it had no business going as her eyes tracked a drop of perspiration as it slid down Tegan's throat and over her collar bone before it traversed down her chest plunging between the swell of her breasts and below the neck line of her tank top.

"I finally found someone who can actually keep up with me." B'Elanna drew her attention and Janeway mirrored her contagious smile.

* * *

"Captain." Tegan greeted as they passed in the hall the following morning.

"Tegan." Janeway stopped and turned back to her. "I need to talk to you if you have a few minutes."

Tegan stopped walking. "My shift is about to start."

She appreciated her work ethic but this was work related. She waited for Tegan to pivot and look at her. "I'm sure the Doctor can handle anything that comes up, unless you had someone on your schedule."

"No ma'am, not until this afternoon."

"Good. My ready room, shall we?"

"Of course." Tegan fell into step beside her as they headed down the corridor in silence.

"After you." Janeway held her arm out and followed Tegan through the door. She stepped around her. "Have a seat."

Tegan stepped in front of the chair sitting opposite the Captain's desk and waited until she stepped behind her desk and took a seat before she sat herself.

"I've been thinking about making you CMO." She watched Tegan's body straighten a little more and her face go taunt, her own eye brow dipped imperceptibly. "I realize how unconventional it is to have a hologram serve as CMO. In fact it's virtually unheard of on a Starfleet vessel this size, despite their vast knowledge."

Tegan swallowed and nodded as she shifted slightly in her seat waiting for Janeway to finish or ask for her to speak.

"I spoke with the senior staff and taking into consideration your training and experience as well as your lack of experience in regards to some of the different physiologies and of course your time spent in the delta quadrant; we came to the conclusion that you would be best suited as first medical officer." She watched as Tegan's features relaxed a bit. "The main reason for making the distinction as opposed to just leaving you where you are is as first medical officer when it comes to medical matters the only orders or opinions that outrank yours would be those of the chief medical officer; which means that even I am obligated to follow any medical orders given by you." When she saw the small grin playing in the corners of Tegan's lips Janeway added; "Within reason. I can always seek the second opinion of the Doctor."

Tegan nodded.

"You look relieved, was there a reason you didn't want to be CMO?"

"Too many to list Captain." She glanced down at her hands for a second.

"And you're ok with first medical officer?"

"I'm already functioning in that capacity and at least so far I haven't had anyone question my medical orders."

"Yes but you also haven't had to treat Lieutenant Torres." There was a slight twinkle in Janeway's eyes. "If you have no objections I'll send out an announcement in the next electronic memo to the crew this afternoon."

"No ma'am, no objections." She doubted it would make much difference if she did have any.

"Then you're dismissed."

Tegan stood up and ran her hand over her stomach smoothing out her uniform. "Thank you ma'am."

"First Medical Officer huh?" The doctor held the PADD in his hand and looked down his nose at it before raising his brown eyes to Tegan. "It would be nice if certain people would inform me of these things, or even ask my permission."

Tegan let out a quick burst of air. "You are on senior staff. You would have been at the meeting when she discussed it. I know for a fact you haven't been detained from going to any recently unless you double booked your tee time into the same time slot."

"I suppose you are right." He smiled lightly.

"Do you always have to give me such a hard time Doctor?"

"No not always, but if I don't you might forget that I like you."

"Is that what it is?" She mumbled and turned as the doors to sickbay whooshed as they opened and Janeway walked in. "Captain?"

"Doctors," she responded.

"Is there something we can help you with?" Tegan stepped closer to her.

"You," Janeway pointed to Tegan, "are being assigned to a mission tomorrow. Neelix is taking a small group of Voyager's scientists to the planet's surface for a short course in Delta Quadrant botany and since you are spending some of your time in the botany labs we thought you would be a perfect candidate."

"'We'?" She let her mouth engage before her brain, something she blamed on spending too much time around the doctor. "More like Neelix suggested it and you thought I could use the fresh air."

She studied her closely for a minute while she decided which title to use. "Is there a problem Lieutenant?"

"No ma'am." An apologetic smile graced her lips. "No problem. What time should I report for this mission?"

"0900 hours."

Tegan opened her lips slightly as her tongue played over her teeth drawing Janeway's attention. "Aye Captain."

* * *

Tegan pulled the stethoscope from her ears, another thing the doctor occasionally teased her for but she didn't like relying solely on technology for such things and still used all of her God given senses when examining her patients. Something most of them appreciated. She did get the occasional grumble from the odd males who wanted to know why she wanted to listen to their chest. "Everything looks and sounds great."

"So, the baby is ok?" The anxious mother to be asked.

"Yes, in another six weeks you'll have a bouncing baby boy."

"That's what the Doctor said at my last check up, only it was ten weeks then." She carefully slid off the edge of the bio bed. "You're going on that mission with my husband tomorrow."

"That's right. Ensign Wellis, he works in the botany lab, right?" She was unaware of who was going, besides herself and Neelix. It never occurred to her to ask.

"He's assigned to the bio lab but works botany when you're there. He talks about you all the time."

Tegan smiled, she remembered working with him in the bio lab a couple times. "I almost forgot he was your husband."

She frowned. "He flirts with you doesn't he?"

"No." Tegan shook her head. Though she wouldn't know if he did, she was often times so wrapped up in her work she missed the nuances of flirting. "It's just the baby is too good looking to be his."

Hayley Wellis grinned. "It's his first mission. Please try and keep him out of trouble."

"I'll protect him with my life." She promised not realizing that everyone one on board had heard about what she did for Captain Janeway after knowing her for less than a month. It was a weighty promise, but Tegan never said anything like that if she didn't fully intend on doing it.


	6. Chapter 6

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 2:

Rolling in the Deep 6

William Frederick Wellis, 'Fred' was normally a very likable guy and Tegan didn't dislike him, but if she had to hear about his baby one more time she was going to pull out her phaser and shoot herself. She had spent four hours stomping around in thick underbrush and mud listening to Neelix drone on and on about the different plant life; what was edible and what could kill you instantly. It all started to blur together for her and she found herself fantasizing about Captain Janeway and not in a sexual way. No, these fantasies were about how to pay her back for the pleasure of Neelix's field trip to the surface for a crash course in Botany of the Delta Quadrant: 101. And then she had to listen to four hours of Fred go on and on about his plans for his unborn baby boy while they tried to find their way back to the clearing so they could transport back up to Voyager. Something in the thick canopy above them was interfering with the ship's ability to get a lock on them, so onward they trudged.

If she had asked if the sky was blue, Fred would talk about how he was going to program a baseball holo-program for him and his boy. Finally she'd had enough. "You know Fred I don't even think he's your kid. He looked half Vulcan to me. Maybe Hayley and Vorik took a break from engineering and slipped into a Jefferies tube."

"Have you ever done it in a Jefferies tube?" He asked incredulously.

"No."

"I wouldn't suggest it." He grinned knowing she was just yanking his chain.

"What if he's really a she? Technology has been wrong before."

"You said it was a boy."

"I'm just saying." She was enjoying giving him a hard time, there was no doubt he was going to have a son.

"Then she'll just have to be a rough and tumble gir—"

Tegan heard the blast even as it tore through his abdomen. "We're under fire."

She dropped down beside him and pulled him behind the cover of a large tree trunk hoping whatever had shot him would stay on that side of it even as she heard Neelix off to her left talking to Voyager. Her medical training took over pushing the soldier in her out of the way as she tore what remained of the upper part of his Starfleet jumpsuit open to get a better look at the injury. Only seconds had passed but it felt like an eternity as she looked at the gaping wound which was filling with blood. The crimson pool of liquid pulsated as it expanded.

She pressed her fingers and thumb together making a point and thrust her entire hand into the wound blindly feeling around for anything to help her assess the damage. The warm blood oozed onto the sleeve of her uniform which absorbed the fluid wicking it up her arm. So far she was only finding his intestines; she closed her eyes as if she could actually visualize what she was feeling. There, her stomach flipped. She found his aorta, though it was more pliable than she expected it to be, a result of the blood loss.

"Talk to me Wellis." She felt her way up the thick hose like structure.

"Tell her…" He coughed, blood spattering his lips and her face.

She found it, like digging blindly in the sand for a marshmallow peep, a tear in the aorta. Now if she could just plug it.

"I love her."

"You're going to be fine Wellis. Just keep talking to me." She put her thumb over the hole as she heard phaser fire over her shoulder. The Ensign assigned as their security detail was probably crapping in his pants. But she didn't have time to think about what was going on around them. She was in the zone and determined he was going to help his wife with her Lamaze. "You're going to be there when that little girl of yours is born."

"Boy." He coughed again and she couldn't help notice how gray and pasty he had become. "Promise me…"

"Promise you what? Promise you what!" But it was too late. Like a badly scripted Hollywood movie he had expelled his final breath and his head tilted awkwardly to the side. "Damn it. I need help over here."

She did her best to do compressions with one hand while continuing to plug his aorta with the other. She didn't know how long she'd been attempting compressions before Voyager was finally able to get a lock and beamed them directly to sickbay. She felt the ground beneath her change as she continued compressions. A bead of sweat ran down the slope of her nose where it paused for a second before it plummeted from its position landing and intermingling with the blood pooled around her arm that was still impaled in his abdomen.

"Doctor?" Captain Janeway stood beside B'Elanna who had been the one who was finally able to get a lock on them from the sickbay with some input from her.

He pulled his eyes away from the tricorder readings. "He's dead Captain, there's nothing that can be done. He's lost too much blood."

She nodded and looked back at Tegan who still had her arm up to her elbow inside the gaping abdominal wound.

"Tegan," the doctor spoke softly, "he's gone."

"Hang in there Wellis." She continued to rhythmically compress his chest with the palm of her biomechanical hand. She didn't slow despite the seasick feeling in her head. "I'm not giving up, don't you."

"Dr. Kiser." The Captain's voice was strong as if she could breakdown any barrier with it alone. "There is nothing more that can be done." She waited a few seconds watching the desperation and determination etch its way deeper into her features despite the obvious exhaustion. "Lieutenant!"

"She's in the zone Captain." B'Elanna recognized the look. "She can't hear you." She gave Janeway a questioning look.

Janeway took a deep breath and nodded, there was no other way.

B'Elanna growled lightly preparing herself for battle and reached down grabbing Tegan from behind in a giant backwards bear hug. Despite the difference in height B'Elanna was surprised at how easy it was for her to pick her up and pull her back. Her arm making a sucking sound as it was pulled free of Fred's abdominal cavity. The ease with which B'Elanna was able to perform the action allowed Tegan to catch her off guard when she started to struggle to free herself so she could return to her task of saving Ensign Wellis.

"Let go of me." She elbowed B'Elanna in the ribs knocking the air out of her lungs but the shorter half Klingon woman continued to hold on even as she was spattered with the blood being slung off Tegan's arm.

"Lieutenant stand down." Janeway knew if she didn't she was going to have to shoot her with Neelix's phaser, order the doctor to sedate her, or quite possibly both.

As soon as she heard and processed the order Tegan stopped struggling against B'Elanna. When B'Elanna loosened her grip she jerked away and stood tall staring straight ahead.

"Does someone want to tell me what happened?" Captain Janeway looked at the shell shocked group waiting for any kind of explanation.

Tegan moved her eyes down to meet the Captain's. "We were making our way back to the clearing so Voyager could get a transporter lock on us when a shot came out of nowhere hitting Ensign Wellis. That's all I know."

"It was a Hirogen Captain." Neelix spoke up his eyes never leaving Tegan. He had never seen anyone do what she'd done.

"Alright." Janeway heaved a heavy breath. "I'll notify Hayley Wellis."

"Captain," Tegan turned her face to her, her eyes pleading. "I'd like to take care of that."

"As captain it's my responsibility." Janeway sighed. "But you're welcome to be present when I do. In the meantime you need to get cleaned up and let the Doctor check you over."

"Yes ma'am."

"I can already tell you she's in a state of shock Captain; otherwise she would have told you she was 'fine'."

"I am fine," she ground out between her teeth.

"Use the shower off of sickbay please and you might want to run both the hydro and sonic showers." He looked in the general direction as he spoke.

"I'll be here when you're done." Janeway assured her before turning back to the Doctor. "I want him transported to the morgue for now. I want the rest of you to be transported to your quarters and stay there until I've notified Hayley, I don't want her to know you are back yet. B'Elenna you need to shower here too and then I want you to take the rest of the day off. Thank you for your help."

"No problem Captain."


	7. Chapter 7

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 2:

Rolling in the Deep 7

"Come in." Janeway stood in her ready room with Tegan standing at attention beside her.

"You wanted to see me Captain?" Hayley stepped in and paled when she saw Tegan standing there.

"Please have a seat."

"I don't want to sit." She shook her head and pointed at Tegan even as her eyes reddened. "You—You said you would protect him. Is he dead?"

"I'm sorry." Tegan's voice was soft, sincere.

"How?" She couldn't hold the tears back as her voice broke in two.

"He was shot by a Hirogen, he bled to death." Janeway knew the less she knew the better. "Dr. Kiser did all she could to save him."

"That's not good enough." She glared at Janeway through her tears, one hand holding her pregnant belly. "She said she would protect him with her life."

"We didn't see the Hirogen until it was too late." Tegan drew the wrath of her stare. She looked down at her hand. She knew she should make eye contact but she couldn't stop feeling his aorta like a phantom memory between her thumb and fingers. "I did all I could do."

"It wasn't enough." Hayley shook her head when Tegan brought her eyes up to hers. She turned her attention to Janeway. "He never would have gone if there was any possibility of danger."

"I never would have sent him, but our scans didn't show any life signs." She couldn't apologize, there were certain dangers associated with being a Starfleet officer no matter how benign the chosen position seemed.

"Yeah," Hayley huffed. "Can I go?"

"Yes, but the Doctor wants to check you over just to make sure you and the baby are ok."

She nodded before walking out.

Janeway turned to Tegan. "Are you ok?"

Tegan moved her head slowly and methodically up and down.

"You don't want to talk about it right now do you?"

Tegan shook her head once.

"Fine, you're dismissed but if you need to…" Janeway didn't even finish the statement before Tegan was out the door.

She found herself standing in the morgue staring down at the body of Fred Wellis. She didn't know how long she'd been there. It could have been minutes or days, but in actuality it had only been hours. "Computer scan Lieutenant Wellis' body including internal organs and save them to file Tegan Beta-zero-one, password omega one-zero theta."

"File saved."

"Arg!" She screamed as she picked up the medical tricorder with her blood covered hand and pitched it as hard as she could. At least the holodeck was one of the best insulated rooms and it was doubtful anyone one could hear her scream. "Computer run simulation again."

She had run it ten times already and every time the outcome was the same. She tried to change the outcome by using all the portable technology available to her. She'd even run the simulation in the sickbay setting without any success. This time she jumped in front of Wellis blocking the shot. "Holy shit, are you ok?"

She looked up at the hologram standing over her. "Computer end program."

* * *

"Tegan." Janeway greeted when she passed her in the hall.

"Captain." Her eyes were as hollow as her voice.

"The memorial service is at 1900 hours this evening."

Tegan nodded and continued on her way. When her shift ended she disappeared to the holodeck where she'd been the entire night before. She debated not going to the memorial service, Hayley probably would prefer it if she didn't show up but as much as she wanted to run away from it all, she couldn't not go. Ever dutiful she showed up and stood there in her dress uniform quietly listening to different people talk about him. She really didn't know much more about him than the fact he was about to become a dad and to him that was the proudest achievement he could ever attain. After his body was sent out into space by the honor guard she looked around at the food and the other officers teaming up to tell stories. She picked up a glass of water and walked over to the viewport.

As she stared out at the vast starlit darkness Neelix walked up and stood beside her. "How are you holding up?"

She didn't answer so he just stood there until B'Elanna approached and he went to find Harry. "Hey?"

Tegan moved her head in acknowledgement but didn't speak.

"Did you ever go to bed last night?"

Tegan shook her head knowing B'Elanna wasn't asking so she could take the information back to Janeway.

"Need to talk?" B'Elanna really didn't think she was the best ear to bend but she was willing if Tegan needed her.

"I need to go." Tegan sat her untouched water down on the nearest table and started toward the door. That was when she saw Hayley standing a few feet away staring out at the same stars she'd just been watching. She walked over and cleared her throat.

Janeway saw Tegan make a detour on her way out and turned her attention to the duo.

"He wanted me to tell you that he loves you."

She turned and looked at Tegan with eyes that had shed all the tears they could possibly cry. "His last words?"

Tegan nodded and told her what she needed to hear. "'Tell her I love her.'"

"Thank you."

Janeway watched the interaction and as Tegan walked out Hayley turned and watched her leave before someone else came up to pay their respects.

She went to her quarters long enough to change back into her daily uniform and returned to holodeck two which was free due to the memorial and gathering afterwards. She had a few hours before the next reserved time. She entered her code in the console and stepped in when the doors slid open. "Computer run program Tegan Beta-zero-one, password omega one-zero theta."

This time she didn't stop after a predetermined amount of time had passed. She didn't rerun the program over and over and over. She continued to plug the tear in his artery and do one handed compressions until her body collapsed on top of the holographic form of Fred Wellis from sheer exhaustion. She didn't know how long she had been lying there when the simulation cut itself off letting her know her time on the holodeck had run out. She managed to roll onto her back and that was how Tom found her when he walked in. "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought I had reserved the holodeck."

"You did." Her voice was heavy.

"Are you ok?" He squared his feet with hers and looked down at her.

"Fine." She sat up and held her hand out and let him pull her into a standing position.

"Are you sure?" He watched her sway a little.

"Nothing a little sleep won't fix." But she had no intention of sleeping. She doubted Hayley had slept any since the news. Unless she had cried herself to sleep, which Tegan reasoned was entirely possible.


	8. Chapter 8

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 2:

Rolling in the Deep 8

Tegan walked into the mess hall, her heart beating to some erratic rhythm being played by a drunken drummer boy with no sense for music. Her chest periodically felt tight and every step was an effort. She had fallen onto the couch before she realized Neelix was still cleaning up from dinner.

"I don't believe I have seen you since the memorial service." He walked out with a bowl of fruit salad. "Hungry?"

She shook her head. The only reason she was there was because the holodecks were currently in use and she couldn't work out for another second if her life depended on it at the moment. She wanted to be alone but she didn't want to be in her quarters, so she'd come to the mess hall in hopes it would be empty.

"You really should eat, let me fix you something."

"I'm not hungry."

"I see." He sat on the short table in front of the couch. "What's your favorite food?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know? Everyone has favorite foods. What do you like to eat when you are sad?" He waited for an answer, taking her silence as her formulating an answer.

She was thinking, thinking about what she had done when she was mad, sad, depressed, hurt. She was all those things right now, all those things and more. She did mainly what she was doing now. She avoided people, food and threw herself into anything and everything she could to help her forget. Granted this time she was punishing herself rather than trying to forget. She finally answered. "I don't."

"Does it work?" He asked.

"What?"

"Avoidance, does it work?" He stood up, "I'm calling it a night, maybe some food for thought."

It was 0210 hours when Janeway walked into the mess hall to get a hotter cup of coffee than her personal replicator would oblige her with. She quickly scanned the shadows and found Tegan in one. She approached studying her carefully. "When's the last time you slept?"

Tegan looked up at her with hazy eyes that narrowed as she tried too hard to focus on the task of thinking.

"If it takes you more than a minute to articulate an answer then it has been entirely too long."

Tegan continued to stare at her.

"When did you eat last?"

Her eyes squinted and her head tilted forward. "I don't—I can't…"

Janeway watched as she expelled every last molecule of air from her lungs and she stood there counting the seconds as she waited for her to breathe again. Sixty and her chest remained still. "Tegan?"

She finally blinked and Janeway realized it was the first time she had since she'd come in but she still hadn't inhaled.

"Breathe." She started to lean forward, ready to grab her shoulders and shake her, but she stopped short.

Tegan stood up and swallowed, the color draining from her face as the room started to spin. She looked down at her hand. She could feel the tear in his artery; it was burned in her memory now. The sticky red blood covered her hand and arm, its sweet sickly scent lingered in her nostrils. She was hot, burning hot and she was going to vomit. She took one step and then another. She wasn't sure where she was going only that she had to get there but by the fifth step a huge black wave crashed down on top of her.

Janeway should have stopped her, grabbed her and steadied her. She knew it even as Tegan had stepped past her and began to walk away. She made it all of five paces before Janeway watched her body collapse like a marionette whose strings had just been cut.

She couldn't have been out very long because she heard Janeway calling for the Doctor when she came to and started to sit up. She felt the warmth of her captain's hand on her shoulder pushing her back down, concerned blue eyes staring out at her accompanied by a soft expression. "Relax."

"I'm fine." Tegan used her 'all things are relative' line of thinking to come to this conclusion.

"The Doctor is already on his way." Janeway continued to apply light pressure on her shoulder to remind her not to attempt to get up. It didn't take more than a few minutes for him to arrive and start checking her over.

"You need to eat young lady." He sat his tricorder down and looked at Janeway his mouth opening to explain what had happened.

"Don't young lady me," She growled before he could speak. "Do it again and I'll delete your vocal processors."

"You'll do no such thing." Janeway gave her a look that dared defying before looking back at the EMH. "Doctor, are her electrolytes ok?"

"Hardly." He looked back at Tegan who was starting to get up. "Take it easy. Do you want to pass out again?"

"I want to go to my quarters and be left the hell alone."

Janeway watched her curiously.

"You're dehydrated, you need to eat and you need to sleep."

"All of which I can take care of on my own." She glared at him.

"No, you can't. You need IV hydration."

"How long has it been since you ate?" Janeway stood back up and planted her hands on her hips.

Tegan tilted her head back and made eye contact with her. "How long ago did Wellis die?"

"Four days ago." Janeway's voice softened. In the back of her mind she had known all of this was related but she had been trying to deal with the loss of one of her crew herself and while she had been checking in regularly with his wife, to the point of almost being a nuisance she had almost completely over looked Tegan; almost, because the woman was never really out of her thoughts. Maybe it was because she was always so self-reliant, or would have everyone believe she was that Janeway had left her to her own devices.

Her voice didn't change but Janeway finally placed the deadness residing in it, it matched the lack of life in her normally vibrant eyes. "Sounds about right."

Janeway glanced at the doctor who nodded. "We're going to change that right now."

"I'm not hungry." Tegan called to her retreating back.

"Too bad. You're going to eat if I have to feed you myself." She spoke loudly from the galley as she opened the refrigerator.

Tegan stood up and the doctor grabbed her to steady her. "Easy."

"I'm fine." She grumbled.

"Take a seat." He walked her over to the nearest table and pulled out a chair for her.

She slumped into the seat, rested her elbow on the table top and cradled her chin in her hand. Her whole body hurt and she could feel her heart thumping erratically in her chest like a scared bunny on crack. She knew the feeling, she'd been ignoring it all day as it continually escalated. One meal, eight hours of sleep and a bag of IV fluids wasn't likely to make it go away, not entirely. "That better not be Leola root stew."

"How'd you guess?" Janeway walked out of the galley empty handed. "I think Neelix cleaned the fridge out tonight. What can I replicate for you?"

"Nothing." She looked up without moving her head. "I told you I'm not hungry."

"If you don't chose something I'll replicate Leola root stew and force feed it to you."

"Fine." Tegan huffed. "Chocolate cake."

"You need something with more nutritional value than chocolate cake." The doctor groaned. "And to think you went to medical school."

"Chocolate cake it is." Janeway walked to the replicator. "Computer, one large slice of chocolate cake and one ice cold glass of two percent milk."

Tegan looked at the perfect slice of cake on the plate in front of her, out of the corner of her eye she saw a drop of condensation trek down the side of the glass of milk as Janeway sat across from her.

"I wasn't kidding when I said I would feed you myself if I have to." She lifted a threatening eye brow to bring her point home.

"I wasn't kidding when I said I wasn't hungry." Tegan didn't miss a beat, but her voice remained dull and edgeless. "Besides you can't make me swallow."

The doctor started to remind her that there were other less comfortable ways of getting sustenance into a person but he decided this conversation was between the two women.

"If you are bucking for the brig, forget it. I'm not going to give you the satisfaction." She watched Tegan's eye lids drift shut before she jerked them back open.

"Whatever." She didn't have the energy to argue, she barely had the energy to pick up the fork in front of her. She fingered the cool metal for a second before using the fork's edge to cut through the moist cake and thick fudgy chocolate. She knew how to pick her battles, which ones to win and which ones to gracefully let someone else win. This wasn't one she was willing to lose and she'd picked the perfect weapon.

She lifted the fork to her mouth and brought her eyes to Janeway's face, which was only a few feet from her own as she watched her carefully. Her lips closed around the cake and she pulled the clean fork out of her mouth almost gagging on the sweetness. She covered it well as she picked up the glass of milk and gulped down its contents before slamming it back down on the table. She sat there looking at Janeway. She knew what would happen if she took another bite. She really didn't even need to take another bite for it to happen; all she needed to do was shove her hand inside the body that was dying in her mind.

"I'm waiting." Janeway looked from Tegan to the cake and back up.

Tegan picked up the fork again and took a piece of cake that was almost too big to fit and shoved it in her mouth. This time there was no stopping the gag reflex the overly sweet icing induced as the milk she'd ingested came surging back up her esophagus. It was no longer completely liquid having mixed with the acid in her stomach and turned into its own version of curds and whey. She moved her hand but not fast enough to stop the projectile liquid as it shot across the table hitting Janeway in the chest and spattering her face and neck.

It hadn't been her intention to actually hit her but instead of offering an apology she covered her mouth and mumbled; "I told you I wasn't hungry."

Janeway stood up, her eyes and hands wide but her mouth held firmly shut. Tegan pushed herself to her feet using the table for support, the chair behind her toppled over unnoticed as she grabbed her untouched napkin for all the good it would do. She held it out and managed to take a step letting go of the table just before the whirlpool of darkness sucked her down its drain.

"Go." The doctor looked at the congealed milk and chocolate cake remnants clinging to the Captain's uniform. "I've got her."

All she could do was nod before she rushed out of the mess hall in search of her shower.


	9. Chapter 9

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 2:

Rolling in the Deep 9

She washed her hair twice in addition to using the sonic shower before she stepped out and dried herself. After removing all the water from her body she dressed in a clean uniform before she found her way down to the infirmary.

Tegan was in a Starfleet patient gown lying on a bed with an IV snaking out of the back of her hand. The doctor turned as Janeway walked in. "Feeling better Captain?"

"Much." She looked curiously at the unmoving woman. "How'd you get her in here?"

"I woke Tom up and he helped me get her on the bed after I transported her."

"I meant how did you get her to agree?"

"Oh." He looked away a small impish grin on his lips. "I sedated her."

"What happened to not going against your patient's wishes?" She raised a questioning brow.

"I can't let her die because she's hard headed."

A cold hand grasped her stomach and she inhaled sharply. "Is it that bad?"

"Not yet. Another 24-48 hours I wouldn't be so sure it wouldn't be. She's already showing muscle damage. From what I've been able to gather from my own conversations with her and from Tom, she's been spending most of her time in the holodeck or in the fitness rooms, so I can't be certain if some of the protein breakdown isn't from the physical exertion but I'm willing to bet her lack of nutrition is a contributing factor."

She let out a self-depreciating sigh. "I see."

"What seems to be troubling you Captain?"

"It's my fault. I should have checked on her after what happened with Wellis."

"In that case Captain, I am as responsible for her condition if not more so. I am after all her co-worker."

"I don't hold you responsible."

"Then, if you don't mind me saying, you shouldn't hold yourself responsible either." He turned as he heard a groan from behind him. "That's odd. Given her lack of sleep and the dose of sedative I gave her, she should be out for a week." He walked over as she sat up. "Tegan you need to lay down before you hurt yourself."

"Hurt myself?" She glared at him. Her head danced in the fuzz created by the sedative she'd been given. It was creating thick swirls of cotton candy that made it hard for her to think straight. "You drugged me."

She saw the clear tubing running out the back of her hand and reached down with her biomechanical hand and pulled it out. She ignored the blood that flowed from the punctured vein down over her middle and ring fingers before it dripped onto the floor as she pushed herself off the bed. Somehow her feet managed to find their way under her. She teetered for a moment trying to get her bearings straight.

"Lieutenant."

"Don't Lieutenant me." Her eyes found Janeway's and lit up glowing in yellow white light.

She was fairly certain she wasn't in pain. "Don't flash your eyes at me Lieutenant Kiser."

The doctor stepped up and grabbed her upper arms. "You don't have the reserves to do this. Please Tegan, lay back down on the bed and let me help you."

She blinked once her eyes returning to the deep dark green they had taken on over the last few days. "I don't want your help." Tegan reached up and grabbed his neck with her biomechanical hand. "Let me go."

"I'm afraid I can't do that." For once the doctor was happy he wasn't made of flesh and bone even though she wasn't squeezing, he knew as well as she did that she could easily kill a human if she did. He saw Janeway pick up a hypospray and check its contents. "You're in metabolic acidosis, your body is breaking down your muscles because you haven't been taking care of yourself properly. Let me help you."

Her eyes rolled back in her head just as Janeway put the hypospray to her neck.

"Wait," He stopped her abruptly. "Help me get her on the bed."

"Did she hurt you?" Janeway asked after they put her on the bed.

"I'm a hologram, I can't be hurt Captain. But no, she didn't even try."

"I'm sorry." Tegan mumbled from her prone position on the bed.

"Will you let me start another IV?"

"Yes Doctor." She nodded lightly.

"Then all is forgiven." He started preparing the IV. "And please stop trying to stand up. I told you before you are severely dehydrated, between that and everything else your body can't keep your blood pressure up and you keep passing out. One of these times you are going to hit that hard head of yours and break something important."

"My head isn't that important." She mumbled.

"I wasn't talking about your head." He looked for a vein that wasn't so flat he couldn't feed the needle into it. "Tegan the stubborn."

"Klingon warrior?" Janeway asked as she watched him slide the needle effortlessly into Tegan's arm.

"I was thinking Viking actually." He smiled. "There, now maybe we can get you feeling a little better."

Tegan grunted and started to sit up.

"I don't want to have to restrain you."

"But he will." Janeway put her hand on her shoulder and pushed her back down as the door opened.

"I believe she is in labor." Seven's voice held concern but it was more for the fact that she didn't know how to deliver a baby than for the fact the mother was in pain.

Without looking Tegan knew who the 'she' was, Hayley Wellis. She was five weeks early and it was probably brought on by stress, stress that she caused. She sat up ignoring the weight of Janeway's hand on her shoulder. Janeway looked from Seven and Hayley, seeing the doctor was on his way to help, to Tegan's now haunted eyes. "You need to lie down."

"I can't," the whisper caught in her throat.

"She is definitely in labor." The doctor put his tricorder aside. "Seven, help me get her on a bed."

"Lieutenant Wellis." Seven said her name for a second time finally drawing her from the staring contest she had been engaged in with Tegan.

Tegan grabbed Janeway's wrist in a silent plea. "I can't be here."

Janeway nodded her head. "Lie back for a minute, ok?"

Tegan nodded and did as she was told. It was that or faint again anyway.

"Doctor a minute?" Janeway's voice was low.

"That's about all I have time for Captain."

"I want to transport Tegan to my quarters for now. I think it's best for all parties involved."

"Why, she's a doctor. She did the last prenatal check." He watched Janeway give him a look. "Oh, of course, yes its fine."

Janeway stepped up to Hayley's bedside and squeezed her hand. "Good luck, if you need anything let me know."

"Thank you Captain." Her hair stuck to her sweaty forehead as she stared over at the bed Tegan was on. "Why is she…" She didn't finish the question as she grunted.

"Patient confidentiality." The doctor reminded them both. "I have a baby to deliver, if you don't mind Captain."

"Go right ahead." She nodded before walking over to Tegan. "Think you can stand?"

"Yes, but I don't know how long." She let Janeway help her off the bed and support her.

"It won't be long." She promised as she held one arm tightly around Tegan's waist. "Computer two to beam to my quarters."

She had hoped Tegan would remain upright long enough to walk the four feet to her bed but as soon as they materialized in her quarters Tegan slumped against her and slid to the floor. A combination of everything finally taking its toll on her, she came too for only a second before she drifted off into a sedative and exhaustion induced sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 2:

Rolling in the Deep 10

Janeway dropped quietly into the chaise that was positioned at the foot of her bed where she could easily keep an eye on Tegan. She asked B'Elanna to sit with her for an hour while she checked on some things. When she returned she managed to drift into a light sleep herself for a couple hours before waking with a dry mouth for which there was only one cure, the sweet black hot nectar of the Gods. She quietly slipped out of the bedroom and into her living area. "Computer coffee black and hot."

She picked up the mug and took a long comfortable sip of the warm liquid before taking a step toward the bedroom. She was glad she was mid step and not still mid sip when the piercing scream tore from the lungs of the woman in the next room. She placed the mug on the low coffee table and ran into the bedroom as another 'no' sliced through the air.

"Tegan?" She slowed her approach once she hit the threshold and realized she was still in the throes of sleep. She sank onto the edge of the bed her hip at Tegan's thigh as she moaned almost mournfully. "Tegan." Her voice was firmer as she reached out and shook her gently, but the woman didn't wake. She reached up and tapped her combadge. "Janeway to the Doctor."

"I'm a little busy at the moment Captain."

If she hadn't known he was with a laboring mother she would have ripped him a new one right there. "So am I Doctor. Tegan is—"

"Nooooo!"

"I didn't quite catch that Captain. I did hear Dr. Kiser loud and clear though. I'm afraid Hayley is being a better patient at the moment."

"That's the thing Doctor, she's asleep and I can't wake her."

"I'll send someone up with a hypospray to counteract the sedative I gave her. Doctor out."

Janeway tried waking her again and then just held her hand tightly while she waited what seemed like an eternity but was really no more than five minutes, the amount of time it took Tuvok to leave the bridge, retrieve the hypospray and arrive at her door.

"Captain." He held the injector out to her as Tegan let out another scream that turned the blood in their veins to ice.

Janeway released her hand and took the injector. She held it firmly against her neck before pressing the injection button.

It took only a second for Tegan to gasp as her eyelids popped open to reveal confused green irises. She moved back and away from Janeway as if she had some kind of highly contagious illness.

"It's ok." Janeway touched her forearm. "You were having a bad dream."

She looked from her to Tuvok and back before nodding slowly.

"Would you like me to stay Captain?"

"No, thank you Tuvok." She waited until she had heard the door close behind him to speak again. "I can get B'Elanna to retrieve the frog from your quarters if you need it."

The offer was sincere without the slightest hint of a grin pulling at the serious expression Janeway wore. Tegan stared blankly through her for several minutes before shaking her head. She blinked slowly and looked around her before moving further up in the bed.

"What's wrong?" Janeway's voice was soft with concern burning at the edges.

"I," Tegan's eyes darted around the room faster this time; "I shouldn't be here."

"I brought you here, remember?" She watched her think for a second before she nodded.

She looked up at the almost empty IV bag and then in the direction of the bathroom. "I need to…"

"Of course. Let me help you." She stood and moved back so Tegan could slide to the edge of the bed.

When she returned to bed Janeway watched her moved her thumb in the air about seven centimeters above curved fingers. It was something she had seen her doing subconsciously when she'd talked to her just before she passed out in the mess hall and previously while staring out the porthole after the memorial service. She thought she knew now what she was doing. "There is no way you could have saved him. No one could have."

"Couldn't I?" Her voice remained flat.

"You've run enough simulations that you should know. You read the doctor's autopsy findings, did you not?"

"Too many times to count." She continued to move her thumb methodically. "How do you know about the simulations?"

"I found it curious that your holodeck usage went from an hour max a week if you went in with someone to twelve hours solo in one night so while you were sleeping I had B'Elanna sit with you while I checked on it. I deleted your program."

"You can't do that." She sat back up and glared at her both of her hands fisting the top sheet in her lap.

"Like hell I can't." Janeway disagreed, her voice taking on a low grumble before softening again. "I did."

She fell back on the bed and stared across the room with a deeper emptiness in her eyes than Janeway had ever seen. Between that, her still sunken eyes and how tiny and frail she looked in that patient gown, it was hard for her to even look at her.

At some point Tegan's eyelids drifted shut and her breathing steadied. The doctor came in and quietly checked her over before he exchanged her IV bag for a new one. "I'm replacing the vitamins and minerals that she's lost, but if we can't get her to eat soon I'm going to have to put in a central line to infuse a more efficient nutrition supplement."

"How soon?" Janeway kept her voice as quiet as the doctor's.

"Twenty-four to thirty-six hours." He looked back at his patient. She looked so pale, thin and fragile being swallowed up by the pillows and the sheet on Janeway's bed. "Forty-eight max."

Janeway nodded.

Tegan slept for ten hours before she rolled over and moaned lightly.

"Tegan?" Janeway slid to the edge of the chaise thinking was dreaming again.

Green eyes opened and looked at her intensely for half a second before the fire died and they glazed back over. It was like looking into an endless abyss of nothingness. She wanted to look away, it unnerved her to see such depth with no emotion or life whatsoever, but she couldn't.

An hour later the door chimed and Tegan didn't even blink. "Come in."

"Captain you need to eat." It was Neelix carrying a tray of food. "Ah, Tegan you're awake. You should eat too."

Her eyes moved to him before she turned her back to them both.

"She's not doing very good is she Captain?"

"I'm afraid not Neelix."

"If there is anything I can do to help."

Janeway shook her head. "Thank you Neelix."


	11. Chapter 11

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 2:

Rolling in the Deep 11

Almost every hour someone was checking on her. After Neelix it had been B'Elanna who offered to stay for a while to give Janeway a break. She declined feeling guilty for not having realized the toll it was taking on Tegan earlier. She was certain Wellis wasn't the first patient she had lost but maybe he was the first one she had promised to protect with her life. She admired her for her diligence but hoped she didn't break down like this after every loss. She kicked herself for even thinking that, it showed the deep compassion the other woman felt and proved her humanity was intact.

The next visitor was Seven who refrained from mentioning anything about the newest member of Voyager's crew while in the room. Tuvok stopped by and tried to insist that Janeway take a break, she again refused. "You need to rest Captain."

"I'm fine. I'll sleep soon."

"It is illogical to put your own health at risk when there are others willing to sit with her."

"I'm her friend and it's what friends do." She softened her expression. "I'll let you know if I need you."

He looked at her for a very long minute wondering if Tegan would say the same of her. He knew friend in its truest sense was not a term the Captain threw around lightly yet she had known this woman less than two months and was already forming a bond. He couldn't help but question if Tegan felt similar. Currently he did not know her well enough to form an opinion of his own. "Very well Captain."

Chakotay stopped by and stood there and stared at Tegan for a long time without saying anything then he turned to Janeway. "I don't know if she'll make it back from this."

"She's strong." Janeway announced with convection. "And I'm not giving up on her."

"No you never give up on anyone do you?" It was one of the things he admired about her, but sometimes he wondered why she had to care so much about someone she barely knew. He shook the thought from his head as he walked out the door, he should be more like Janeway.

It had been about twelve hours since Tegan had woken. Neelix had just walked out with the tray of food he brought in earlier which had gone untouched by both women. She was about to call Tuvok for him to relieve her when the door chimed again. "Come in."

"Captain." Hayley stepped in with her little 2.7 kilogram bundle of joy as Janeway stood up and turned to her.

"How are you Hayley?"

"I'm doing good Captain." Her caramel colored hair was held back in messy bun.

"And the baby?" She craned her neck to get a better look.

"William Frederick Wellis Jr.," she smiled. "He's doing well."

"Such a big name for such a tiny boy."

"He'll grow into it." She looked around Janeway to see Tegan with her back to them. "How is she?"

"She's in there, but she's been non-responsive verbally."

"Do you mind?" She held little William out for her. "I'd like to talk to her alone."

"Of course, take your time." Janeway smiled as she took the baby and held him to her chest.

"Hey." Heyley walked up to the bed as Tegan rolled onto her back and looked up at her. "Snap out of it. I don't have the luxury of breaking down because he died, I have a baby to raise by myself now and it's no one's fault except the Hirogen who shot him. I know I blamed you the day it happened but I was upset, I was in shock. I don't blame you. I know you did everything you could short of dying in his place and he wouldn't have wanted that."

Tegan blinked and looked down at her hand as she mimicked the actions of trying to find the bleed in the artery.

Hayley saw what she was doing. She had seen the report. She knew what lengths Tegan had gone through to save him. She walked to the side of the bed, knelt down and took her hand in both of hers, wrapping them around it to still her fingers.

Her eyes drifted up to meet Hayley's and her voice cracked. "I couldn't save him."

"So you'll save the next one. Ok?" She watched her stare at her for a minute. "Promise me you'll snap out of this because I need a godmother for little William."

"You barely even know me."

"I know what you did for my husband. I know all I need to know about your character to know that you would be perfect." She turned as the door to Janeway's quarters opened and Janeway walked in with a fussy baby and Naomi Wildman at her side.

"I think he's hungry."

"It's about that time. Thank you Captain." She took William and turned back to Tegan. "I meant what I said."

Tegan nodded before she left.

"Tegan?" Naomi drew her attention as she stepped up beside the bed.

"Yes?" Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"Are you going to be alright?"

At the moment she didn't feel like she would be but she moved her head indicating she would.

"I brought you some chocolates. Neelix helped me pick the best ones from the replicator for you."

"Thank you." Tegan put them on the bed beside her.

"I should let you rest."

"Hey." Tegan called out as she turned.

"Yes?" Naomi turned back to her.

"I'm going to be fine. Maybe tomorrow we can share these chocolates."

"But I got them for you."

"And I want to share them." Tegan forced a small smile.

"Ok," she beamed, "tomorrow then."

Janeway watched as the future Captain walked by and out the door before she turned back to Tegan.

She moved so she was sitting the edge of the bed, her movements retarded by her weakness. She tilted her head forward and propped it in her hand with her elbow resting on her knee. Her eyes were closed as she spoke. "I shouldn't be here."

"Here?"

"In your quarters. In your bed." She opened her eyes and lifted her head so she could look at her hand. It was empty. There was nothing there. Why could she still smell the blood?

Janeway wondered if she had forgotten their earlier conversation. "I brought you here, remember?"

Tegan hid her face in her hands.

She didn't want her going back to that quiet dark place. "Tegan?"

"You must think I am so weak." She spoke into her palms.

Janeway closed the distance between them and sat down beside her on the bed. "Why would you say that?"

"First the brig incident and now this."

Janeway reached out wanting touch her but she stopped just short and brought her hand back to her lap. "Oh I think a lot of things about you and weak isn't one of them."

"Really?" She lifted her head to look at Janeway.

"Really. I think you're brave, smart, strong. I could go on."

Tegan shook her head.

"I don't know anyone who would have gone to the lengths you did to try and save Wellis."

She gave a faint nod, "I need to get a shower."

"I don't think you're strong enough."

"I am." She said with more determination than she actually felt. "I need to and then I need to eat."

Janeway nodded. "No chocolate cake."

Tegan shook her head. "No chocolate cake."


	12. Chapter 12

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 2:

Rolling in the Deep 12

"Computer cut off the shower." She stepped out of the shower bay and started humming as she grabbed for her towel. It was nice to take a real shower, with real water in her quarters and it only took B'Elanna a few minutes to fix it once she got around to filling out the requisition.

She ran the towel over each leg starting at the ankle and working her way up to her thigh. By the time she got to her torso her humming had changed to singing.

"'I've heard it too many, many times to ignore it; Oh what did I think it could be? Well someday we'll find it the rainbow connection. The lovers, the dreamers and me. Someday we'll find it the lovers, oh, the dreamers and me.'¹" She finished the song as she stepped back into the main room of her quarters. She had only taken a few steps when she saw a pair of shoes standing near the doorway. She looked up. As she spotted the red on the uniform, the hand that was towel drying her hair froze in mid motion. Her eyes popped up to locate the owner's face. "Captain, you have heard of knocking? I could have been naked."

Janeway raised an eyebrow at the intriguing thought that traipsed through her mind. She tried not to grin before confusion clouded her face. "I pressed the console, twice."

"I'll put in a requisition." She shook her head before lifting her brow. "Was there something you needed?"

"I didn't know you could sing."

"It's a heavily guarded secret." Tegan tossed the towel she'd been drying her hair with onto the bed just missing her intended target.

"Not anymore." Janeway grinned lightly as her eyes followed the arc the towel had just made. Her grin grew as she found the intended target and walked over to the stuffed frog and picked it up. "This keeps your demons away?"

"Something like that." Tegan blushed as Janeway looked from the frog's coloring to her own uniform.

She looked at its slate blue eyes. "Interesting."

"The replicator's idea of a practical joke." Tegan mumbled.

"I thought they didn't think for themselves?" She questioned as Tegan took the frog from her the sensation of their fingers brushing not lost on her.

"I take it back." She pointed to the red. "Dark green, the gray was supposed to be lime green which the eyes were supposed to match."

"It's missing a combadge."

"You sound like B'Elanna." Tegan tossed him onto her pillows. "I thought about re-replicating him but I felt it was a waste of energy."

"She probably would have turned out the same."

"'She'?" Tegan rolled her eyes.

"It looks like a she to me." Janeway shrugged as Tegan shook her head.

"Again, you stopped by for a reason?" She pressed the issue even as Janeway's eyes drifted down her body.

"I haven't seen you all week and after last week I wanted to make sure you are doing ok."

The guise of a smile pulled at her lips. "I'm fine. I certainly don't need anyone checking up on me."

"I didn't mean to imply that you did, only that I cared enough to do so."

Her expression softened. "Thank you Captain. But really, I'm fine."

"Alright, have a good night then."

"Yes ma'am, you too."

* * *

It had been five days since she'd seen Janeway in her quarters, an hour after she had left she put in the requisition to get the door panel fixed. B'Elanna stopped by the next morning and fixed it knowing exactly what was wrong. She had spent some time during the last five days hanging out with Naomi and Seven playing Kadis-kot, she'd also spent an entire evening babysitting little William so Hayley could go play a game of velocity with Janeway.

She stood outside her ready room hoping that stopping by with her request would circumvent another 'well-check' from the well-meaning captain.

"Come in." Janeway sat behind her desk and looked up as Tegan entered. "Dr. Kiser, how is your day off going?"

Tegan shrugged. "Fine."

"You don't sound very convincing."

"I was thinking I might take a dip in the pool." She smiled slyly.

"Really?"

She laughed. "No."

"So, what can I do for you?" Janeway leaned forward and cut the small talk.

"The quarters next to sickbay—"

"I already know what you are going to ask," Janeway cut her off. "And the answer is no, Lieutenant Russell is happy where he is. It's only four minutes from your quarters to the sickbay and that's if you have to wait for the turbo lift to return from its furthest point." She didn't mention that she didn't want Tegan to have such close access to work, nor that she liked having B'Elanna close by to keep an eye out for her. She stood up and stepped around her desk. "It's lunch time."

Tegan stood and looked at her. "Is that an invitation?"

"It is."

"How do I always get so lucky?"

"Well, I could ask Commander Chakotay to dine with you?"

"Oh no, I much prefer your company ma'am." She quickly back peddled.

"And there you go with the 'ma'am'." Janeway frowned lightly.

* * *

"Hey." B'Elanna moved her hand in front of Tegan's face. "Voyager to Tegan."

"Oh, hey." Tegan shook her head and brought her eyes to meet B'Elanna's.

B'Elanna studied her for a minute. "You've got it bad."

"Got what?"

"The hots for the Captain." B'Elanna lowered her voice so only Tegan could hear her.

"I do not." Tegan glanced in Janeway's direction for a second as she flushed a soft pink and looked back at B'Elanna. "I so do not."

"Yes you do." She laughed. "Oh Kahless, Seven was right. I mean I thought maybe, but I didn't think you were that deep."

"I'm not." She growled quietly.

"You are sitting smack dab in the middle of that big river called denial right now." B'Elanna teased.

Tegan looked back over at Janeway who was still standing talking with or rather listening to Neelix babble on. Was that what it was? Love? Idle curiosity, respect, slight infatuation maybe, but love? No, she wasn't in love.

"You've never really been in love have you?" B'Elanna had seen something flicker in her eyes and her jaw dropped at the realization.

Tegan stood up and pulled her untouched tray off the table. "I told you, I'm not in love."


	13. Chapter 13

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 2:

Rolling in the Deep 13

The next morning they found themselves in orbit above a beautiful M class planet teaming with life. The journey to get them there had only been two hours and was a result of helping a stranded passenger vessel from the planet that had been adrift for a week. The indigenous people, the Torocans, were so grateful they invited anyone from Voyager to the surface. It had been too long since the Voyager crew had been on shore leave so after sending Tuvok and Chakotay to check things out Janeway agreed to stay for a few days to allow engineering to do some repairs that were better suited with the engines idle than even running at quarter impulse.

Tegan looked out the viewport at the planet Toroca as she stood in the mess hall, the sun was setting over the other side of the planet and it was mesmerizing.

"Beautiful isn't it?" Janeway's voice was soft and low.

Tegan nodded her discussion with B'Elanna the evening before tucked away and nearly forgotten. "I've never seen anything like it."

Janeway had never imagined after everything the adventurous woman had done that she would have never seen a sun set over a planet. "You should see the moonrise."

Tegan smiled. "I've seen that from a secondary moon, once."

"Of course." Janeway mirrored her smile. "Have you eaten?"

"I tasted several things while I was making dinner." She had taken over dinner service that night to give Neelix the night off and she'd already prepared a breakfast casserole for the next morning that she would bake before her shift and everyone would be left on their own for lunch to give him a full twenty-four hours to explore the planet.

"Tasting isn't the same as eating." She clasped her hand on Tegan's shoulder. "Let's see if Seven will serve us."

Tegan laughed, the former Borg had offered her services to Neelix as well and Tegan had put her in charge of dessert and serving. "I'm sure she will."

"Captain you must try the chicken cordon bleu Dr. Kiser made."

"It's Tegan." She growled lightly.

"I am sorry, Tegan." Seven bowed her head slightly and flushed to an indulgent pink.

"Kahless! Are you flirting with my woman?" B'Elanna poked Tegan in the ribs with her elbow. "I am never going to get the warp drive back to 100% if I have to worry about you trying to take her from me."

"I am not your property." Seven reminded her before Tegan could assure her she wasn't flirting.

"Three trays with a little of everything." Janeway shook her head at the interaction and held up three fingers. "Tegan get us a table close to the viewport."

"You aren't really jealous are you?" Tegan asked halfway through dinner breaking into the comfortable silence that had fallen over their table.

B'Elanna looked over Tegan's shoulder to see Seven standing at parade rest waiting for someone else to come into the slow dinner service. Many of the crew had opted to stay on the planet to partake in the local cuisine and Tegan was preparing for a long night working in the infirmary. "Yes."

"Really? Why?"

"You have seen Seven right?" B'Elanna narrowed her gaze on her. "Kahless, she is one of the most beautiful women I've ever laid eyes on."

"You're right. She's absolutely beautiful but so are you B'Elanna."

B'Elanna laughed, a quick self-depreciating laugh. "I've been called many things, beautiful isn't one of them. And next to a Goddess like you, I'd have no chance."

Tegan almost choked on the mouthful of food she was swallowing. She had been formulating a response when B'Elanna hit her out of left field with the compliment. She picked up her glass of water and took a gulp even as a fierce blush engulfed her face.

Janeway thought it was interesting that Tegan didn't see herself the way others did, but it was true she turned just as many heads as Seven and neither woman turned them because of the hardware they sported.

"I'm as Seven would put it, damaged." Tegan sat the glass back down and picked her fork up again. "I am far from being a Goddess."

"What I wouldn't give to look like you. I'm short, sorry Captain." She knew they were close in stature. "I've got these stupid ridges on my head and don't give me that crap about beauty comes from the inside because we all know we are talking in physical parameters here."

"I like your ridges, they give a certain appeal." Tegan smiled.

"Are you flirting with my girlfriend?" Seven spoke from behind as she approached with dessert bowls containing an orange and chocolate mousse.

Tegan shrugged her shoulders. "I can't win for loosing tonight. I give up."

"Do you really not see how beautiful you are?" Seven asked receiving a glare from B'Elanna as she put the desserts down in front of each woman. She'd been listening to the conversation with her Borg enhanced hearing. Eavesdropping was a bad habit she'd developed on Voyager to fill in the lack of voices in her head since being severed from the collective.

Tegan shook her head and pushed her empty tray back.

Sensing her discomfort Janeway let her eyes survey the tray and decided to save her from answering. "I don't believe I've ever seen that happen."

"What?" Tegan looked down.

"Your tray, it is empty." Seven observed. She noted the deliberate segue in conversation but followed the Captain's lead without hesitation.

"I know I haven't." B'Elanna dipped her spoon into the airy dessert and almost melted with it when it hit her tongue. "Oh Sev—"

Both Janeway and Tegan glanced at each other as they shared an inappropriate thought.

Tegan had just finished dessert when her com chirped. "Sick bay to Dr. Kiser."

Tegan raised an eye brow to no one in particular. "Go ahead doctor."

"I need your assistance."

"I'm on my way." She stood up and looked apologetically around the table. "If you'll excuse me it looks like the planetary cuisine may already be affecting some of the crew."

Janeway put her hand over hers as she reached for the tray. "Go, we'll take care of it."

"Thank you Captain."

Tegan walked into the infirmary to see an Ensign she didn't think she'd met before sitting on a bio bed. That was it, one patient. She'd expected the sickbay to be inundated with patients. Couldn't one holodoctor take care of one human patient? "What seems to be the problem?"

"Oh Doc." The Ensign groaned as she noticed a very red mark in the shape of a hand on his cheek. "Please tell her to leave."

Tegan watched as his hands went to cover his manhood. "Um, Doctor?"

"I need you to take a look at something." He turned to his patient, "Ensign Blain, we're going to step over into the lab for a minute."

Tegan followed him into the lab off of sickbay. "What's going on?"

"Our patient decided to break protocol and slept with one of the Aliens while he was on the surface. Before you say anything I know we have to report it to Captain Janeway but he begged me to wait until the symptoms abated."

"What exactly are his symptoms?"

"In his words he is 'extememly horny' and as you saw when you came in he went to full attention. Not that you don't have that effect on men normally," he cleared his throat.

Tegan followed his gaze to the electron microscope and walked over to it. "A virus?"

"It appears to be." He frowned. "I have him behind an isolation force field until we can be sure of how it is spread."

"What about his face?"

"He grabbed Nicoletti's rear and she slapped him."

"Good for her." Tegan grinned. "I'd like to inform the Captain just in case this isn't spread by exchanging bodily fluids. I mean it's possible he was infected by the virus on the planet and he acted out because of it."

"I think that's a stretch." The doctor rubbed his chin.

"Because of the short incubation period? We are talking an alien virus."

"This is true."


	14. Chapter 14

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 2:

Rolling in the Deep 14

As Tegan headed to Janeway's quarters she felt someone grab her left buttock, they were lucky she didn't sucker punch them right on the spot. She spun to the crewmen. "Report directly to sickbay and don't touch anyone else on the way or you will be written up."

"Come in." Janeway was sitting in her chaise sipping a freshly replicated mug of coffee.

"Captain."

"What can I do for you Tegan?"

"We've got a problem." She explained the situation and that the doctor had assured her just before she arrived, that the crewmen who had cupped her bottom in the hall hadn't even been to the planet.

"So you're saying it's airborne?"

"Yes ma'am." Tegan stepped back as Janeway stood up. "We believe it is."

Janeway sighed. "I'm just going to have to recall everyone from the planet and quarantine them to their quarters for now."

"We don't know if the environmental scrubbers will filter it out."

"What other choice do we have? I can't very well let them run around on the planet with their inhibitions flapping in the wind."

Tegan spent the next 17 hours in sickbay researching and observing the virus. Captain Janeway spoke with the Torocans who denied having any such virus. Janeway reasoned it was either something they knew about or just part of their physiology. Either way she hoped it would quickly run its course on Voyager and not have any lasting effects.

"What have you found?" Janeway walked into sickbay where she knew she would find both her doctors working hard despite one of them needing food and sleep.

Tegan looked up and rubbed the back of her neck. Her stump was on fire and she wanted nothing more than to take it off, grab a long shower and do nothing for an hour or two but there were more pressing matters to deal with. "Every male who has been to the surface is positive for the virus, and we've had fifteen others test positive so far. All male, none of the females are showing any symptoms and their scans have all been negative."

"Are you saying it's only affecting the males?" She let her eyes wander over Tegan's figure pausing briefly just below where the blue-green and black met on her uniform.

"That's how it would appear." The EMH answered as Tegan ran the tricorder over Janeway pulling her out of her little mental detour.

Tegan raised an eyebrow. "Are you feeling ok Captain?"

"I'm fine why?" She flushed briefly.

"Your blood pressure and heart rate are slightly elevated." She shook her head. "You are negative for the virus as well."

"It's been a long day."

"Yes ma'am it has."

"You both need to get some rest." The doctor insisted.

"I've still got some…" Tegan pointed to the microscope as her eyes locked on Janeway's lips.

"It can wait." The doctor assured her.

* * *

"Tegan," Chakotay approached her in the hall.

She sighed inwardly before turning to him. "What can I do for you Commander?"

He had managed to close the gap between them in two long strides and pushed her back against the wall, his lips attacking hers as he forced his tongue into her mouth. She should have bitten it off right then, even before she felt his strong hand on her throat. He pulled away and moved his mouth to her ear. "Suck my cock."

"Sir?" She had nowhere to go with her back flat against the wall and his hand around her neck.

"Do I need to make it an order?" He growled. He thought he had already made himself clear.

"No sir." She brought her knee up with deft precision and speed connecting swiftly with his erect member. She had had enough between Vorik and every other guy pinching her ass.

Chakotay gasped and moaned as he curled around himself letting her go. "What the fuck did you do that for?"

She leaned down so her breath was warm in his ear. "You might want to see that Doctor about that."

"Who is it?"

"Janeway."

"Come in." She looked over at her from the bathroom entrance where she'd been checking her face for bruises. "I hope you aren't here to attack me."

"Attack you?"

"In the name of the 'amorous' virus," she cleared her throat and stepped out of the bathroom. "Virus 128001."

"Unwanted advances?" Janeway gave her a sympathetic look.

"At least two, since I'm not counting how many times I've had my butt pinched." She rubbed her right buttock to bring the point home.

Janeway smiled sadly. "Who?"

"Chakotay and Vorik." Neither of which she particularly liked. "That little weasel tried to poke my eye out. I don't know how Vulcans procreate but I need my eyes, both of them."

"They mate for life." Janeway wasn't sure whether to be amused or upset but what she did feel was a confused sense of jealously.

"Yeah well he didn't 'mate' with me." Tegan held her biomechanical hand up. "I think I broke his arm."

"You think?"

"I heard it snap then I asked the doctor to take a look at his injuries just before I got out of there." She sighed. "I'll probably be up for disciplinary actions."

"You were defending yourself."

"Chakotay may not feel that way. I think I made his testicles touch his tonsils when he tried to kiss me." She decided to leave the rest of the story unsaid.

"Ouch. Remind me to ask for permission before trying to kiss you."

"You want to kiss me?" Tegan narrowed her gaze on her.

"Did I say that out loud?" She blushed at the realization she hadn't kept the thought private.

Tegan nodded. "You did."

"It was just a general statement."

Tegan shrugged. "I wouldn't mind you know."

"I can't in good conscience kiss you." She admitted that she did indeed want to.

"Sure you can," Tegan smiled her award winning smile. "I just gave you permission."


	15. Chapter 15

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 2:

Rolling in the Deep 15

She stepped forward encroaching on Tegan's space. The younger woman stepped back feeling the heat building between their bodies. Despite having just given her permission, she knew in the back of her mind this wasn't what she wanted. Not that she hadn't been awake at night thinking about how those lips would feel on hers and she hadn't missed the sparks of electricity that shot through her every time Janeway touched her but she was her captain, her superior. Her back flattened against the wall as Janeway stepped closer. She wanted to feel her body against hers.

Janeway's eyes fell to her soft rosy lips just as she timidly licked them before inhaling and pulling the pink sliver of tongue back into her mouth. It was too much for her to handle and she leaned in closing the last few inches, her lips hovering mere millimeters away from the gorgeous redhead who she was so drawn to. All it would take was the tiniest of subspace eddies to close the gap. She blinked and drew back still feeling the moisture of Tegan's lips on hers even though they hadn't touched. Red warmth flooded through her body. She rarely blushed but if there ever was a moment to, this was it. "I'm no better than Chakotay."

Tegan stalked to the edge of her bed and looked out the viewport. She stood strong, tense. Her minded reeled in a free fall of confusion. "No, you maintained control."

"He and Vorik have the excuse of some amorous virus, but what's my excuse." She refused to look at Tegan as they stood with their backs to each other. "It's only affecting the men."

"Maybe it's adapting." Tegan knew what she was feeling. It wasn't anything new even if it was stronger.

"Adapting?" Janeway turned at the same time Tegan did.

"Jumping genders?"

"I'm your Captain."

"That doesn't make you immune." Tegan stepped toward her.

Janeway knew all it would take was a touch. She could already feel the ants scurrying up and down her spine. Tegan took another step, so close if either took a deep breath they would touch. She didn't dare breathe.

Tegan stretched her neck out and whispered. "You're still human, you need to love and be loved."

Janeway grabbed her shoulders and held her still as she looked into the emerald and lime pools. She could get lost in them and never come up for air. Finally the dam broke and she couldn't handle the proximity of the beautiful woman any more. She had two choices, throw Tegan out of an airlock or kiss her. As soon as her lips touched Tegan's she should have stopped, she should have never put them in this situation to begin with especially with a 'love' virus running rampant on the ship to begin with. All of that aside she should have shown better self-control, she should have stopped herself but as her tongue slipped out to taste soft lips she knew there was no turning back.

Tegan gasped quietly, her lips parted and Kathryn took advantage of the opening and darted her tongue in. Tegan ran her tongue over, under and around Kathryn's soft, rough, wet, strong tongue, preforming a very thorough exam of the tiny muscle. Her hands gripped Kathryn's hips to steady herself as Kathryn let hers roam through Tegan's hair, over her neck and across her chest.

Kathryn didn't second guess what she was doing as her hands pulled Tegan's uniform jacket off and freed her from her tunic; if she had she would have stopped, frozen in her tracks. Instead she let desire and years of abstinence drive her onward. She pulled her own jacket and top off tossing them into a forgotten pile with Tegan's before planting her lips softly on the still forming bruises left by Vorik and moving them down to the red marks on her neck that would be purple by morning. She needed more and hauled Tegan's tank top over her head. She paused in the act of undressing her to run her fingers over the overly defined ribcage of the younger woman and admire the ripples of her muscular abdominals before reaching around and unclasping her bra. Her eyes took in the site as she urged her uniform pants down hooking her panties with her thumbs she pushed them down until they could pool freely at her feet.

Kathryn pushed her back on the bed and finished undressing her quickly unzipping and removing each boot and throwing them aside before she swiftly shed the remnants of her clothing, Tegan's eyes never leaving her body. Kathryn climbed up beside her and kissed her collarbone running her tongue over the soft ivory skin, nipping at it with her teeth marking it lightly before she moved down to suck a pert nipple into her mouth. Tegan gasped as her tongue frolicked over and around it, her back arched into the bed as her hand anchored itself in Kathryn's hair. Kathryn used her other hand to fondle her free breast before switching her attention to it and sliding her hand down Tegan's abdomen. She felt thin fingers wrap around her wrist and she pulled back to look into green eyes hazed over with need which only seemed to push her further into the chasm of no return. She moved her leg over Tegan's so she was straddling her thigh and her hand moved further down, her eyes never leaving Tegan's face as she found damp curls, the smell of her want had been driving her wild since she had freed her of her clothing, if not before.

Tegan's body jerked as her finger brushed her engorged clit causing her thigh to raise pressing against Kathryn's core. She moaned lightly and slid forward leaving a trail of wetness on Tegan's thigh. Marking her with her juices she slid back as her fingers slipped between the wet folds of Tegan's entrance. She was so tight. She pressed one finger in deeply meeting little resistance thanks to the lubrication of her desire. She didn't even try to get a second in as the pad of her thumb tapped her clit softly. In response Tegan's thigh pressed tighter against her. She couldn't stop her hips from gyrating, caressing her own sex against the silky leg as she started to pump her finger in and out slowly at first and then faster her hips keeping rhythm as her thumb gently stroked her in a small circle.

As soon as she felt the tight walls pulling at her finger and heard the soft whimper in Tegan's throat as her eyes rolled back in her head, Kathryn's own body began to jerk with her release. She lowered her mouth to Tegan's shoulder to muffle her moan. She lay there trying to collect herself, her mind swirling in the guilt and pleasure the orgasm had left in its wake. She needed to pull herself together and retreat to her quarters to shower and think, but that was the last conscious thought she had before she succumbed to a deep sleep brought on by a far overdue release.

Tegan felt her breathing change and knew she was sleeping, her head lying heavy in the soft area just below her collar bone. She reached down with her biomechanical arm and pulled the sheet up over them. She hoped both Arkinson and Torres were out for the evening for the Captain's sake. She would be willing to do what she had to in order to keep the night's activities secret. She would do anything for her Captain. "Computer dim lights to 10%."

Her head swam as it recalled what had just happened. Did she really love Kathryn? The name sounded so foreign yet familiar to her. Janeway was so formal, her Captain, she was not the woman who had just made love to her. Was that what it was, love or had it just been raw hard sex? She felt her chest tighten and her eyes burn but she couldn't say why. She didn't know what she wanted, what Kathryn wanted, what Janeway wanted. All she knew was she had been having feelings she was unable to define since the outset. She pushed her confusion away and decided for that one night at least she would revel in the feeling of having Kathryn sleep in her arms.

She spent most of the night listening to Kathryn breathe and feeling the gentle thud of her heart against her side. She drifted off into a light sleep for a couple hours but the pain from not being able to remove her prosthesis kept her from getting into anything deeper. The computer chirped at seven with the delayed wakeup call she'd requested jerking Kathryn awake.

She sat up pulling the sheet with her, a look of embarrassment and horror plagued her face before she managed to find her mask and slam it tightly in place. She picked the clothes up from the floor quickly sorting them and throwing odds and ends to Tegan who pulled her underwear and tank top from the flying material and yanked them on.

Janeway stepped into the bathroom and came out ten minutes later dressed with her hair brushed back into a semblance of normalcy. She dropped the sheet on the foot of the bed next to where Tegan was still sitting.

"Last night shouldn't have happened. It was a mistake." She saw Tegan flinch imperceptibly. "I'm your Captain."

"It's that simple, you're my Captain." She gave a single nod as if there was no argument in the world that would change Kathryn's mind even as her chest tightened to the point of cutting off her ability to breathe. She didn't know why it bothered her. She hadn't expected anything more. Had she? There was one thing she knew for sure, she wouldn't beg. Tegan Kiser would not get on her knees not to make someone love her. She smirked microscopically at the realization of what the night before had been.

"What?" Janeway asked as she studied even the minutest nuances in her expression.

Tegan swallowed. "Nothing, just the irony of the situation."

"What irony?"

"It doesn't matter." Her voice was soft and she picked up the stuffed frog that had fallen to the floor, she would be recycling it as soon as Kathryn left. "You said it yourself; you are my Captain."

"I promised myself I wouldn't get involved with my crew. It isn't right."

"Let your standards put your heart in the brig and throw away the key."

"My heart?" She twisted her head slightly.

Tegan smirked again, more as a knee jerk reaction before she looked away. The silence continued to grow more awkward with each passing second until she stood up. "I need to get a shower and go, my shift starts in twenty minutes."

"Of course." Janeway nodded once and turned to leave. She wanted to explain things to her, to make them right somehow. But there wasn't a way to make them right and things were too jumbled in her head for her to make sense of anything. She squared her shoulders and walked out finding her way to the turbo lift as quickly as possible.

Tegan stalked over to the replicator and held the frog up in front of her for several seconds before growling and sitting it inside. "Computer recycle this."


	16. Chapter 16

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 2:

Rolling in the Deep 16

"What are you doing?" The Doctor stepped out of the office to see Tegan with a needle and vacutainer in her biomechanical hand. Her right sleeve pulled up and a tourniquet already in place.

"Drawing blood."

"Well I can see that." He scoffed.

"Then why did you ask?" She tightened her grip on the supplies as he attempted to take them from her.

"Why are you drawing your blood?"

"I'm just curious about the virus that's going around."

"You do know a hematological scan will pick it up?" Of course she did they had been working together on it. "Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine, and I've done a scan."

"I thought we had determined it only affected males."

"I want to look at it under a microscope and see if it's mutated." Her hand was going to go numb if the tourniquet stayed on much longer.

"Please, let me." He held his hand out and Tegan relinquished the supplies.

"What happened to make you so curious?"

"Nothing." Tegan grumbled as he collected the blood she would need.

"Are you sure?" He reminded her of his presence when she straightened up from the electron microscope and her shoulders sagged slightly.

"What?"

"Are you sure nothing happened?"

"A lot happened, including Chakotay trying to shove his tongue down my throat." She sounded more like B'Elanna than herself at the moment.

"Interesting," He made a face.

"By the way, patient doctor confidentiality." She reminded him.

"The Captain should be made aware of this virus or not."

"She already knows."

"Oh." He studied her unreadable façade before shrugging and taking a look at the blood sample himself.

She could still smell her on her fingers. How many times had she washed her hands? She had lost count. The unique lightly sweet inviting smell from the night before only made her nauseous now. She imagined the smell was only a memory etched on her olfactory nerve, a reminder of the grievous sin she had committed. Not because of her religious beliefs, she was after all a woman of science, but from her training as a Starfleet officer and her position as Captain. She had completely ignored a line she had chiseled in granite.

"Kathryn?" His voice was low as he attempted to pull her from her reverie. His own mind was on other things, not just the throbbing pain in his groin. "Captain?"

She turned her head to him, her eyes following slowly as she realized she'd completely zoned out for a time.

"I need to run an errand."

Her eyes narrowed on him and he wondered if she knew what he had done. He would of course tell her when he was ready unless Tegan had already filed an incident report.

She nodded and watched as he carefully stood being reminded of what Tegan had told her had happened, the entire night before replaying in vivid fluid images in her mind. She couldn't stop thinking about it. How wonderful it had been. How wrong it was, on so many levels. She was Captain Janeway of the Federation Starfleet U.S.S. Voyager, not some hormone stricken teenager. Was it possible Tegan was right? Had the virus mutated and started jumping genders? It would be a viable excuse for what she had done.

She stood up and turned. "Tuvok you have the bridge."

"Aye Captain." He watched her retreat to her ready room.

Tegan looked up from behind the desk in the office she shared with the EMH as the doors swished open again. Had it not been for all the apologies coming in it would have been a slow day. She watched as Chakotay stepped in with his hands behind his back. She wanted to make a wisecrack but refrained. "I'm in here Commander."

"Good morning." He looked around at all the flowers, mainly long stemmed roses littering the office. He suddenly didn't see her as a rose kind of girl.

"It's afternoon Commander." She corrected though it was only 1230 hours.

"Of course," He chuckled lightly. "I just wanted to apologize for last night." He pulled the single white rose bud out feeling it was blatantly inadequate. "It looks like I'm not the only one."

"No sir, you aren't." She bit back on the acidic tone. She thought the color could be symbolic of a white flag being waved in surrender. "You are however the only one who tried to command me to 'suck' their 'cock'." She didn't mince words or feel the slightest bit sorry for him when his eyes dropped in embarrassment.

He swallowed and looked back up at her. "I am truly sorry." He noticed the black and blue bruises on her otherwise ivory face. "Did I?"

"No, Vorik did that." She reached up and pulled the neck of her tunic down. "This is what you did."

"I expect you'll be turning in an incident report, if you haven't already."

"The Captain is aware that you tried to kiss me and because I broke Vorik's arm I had no option but to fill out a report on it. As far as I am concerned this is all related to virus 128001, but I do think that both you and Vorik have some issues that you need to work on; because if you ever actually follow through with that fantasy…" She shook her head.

"I would have never under normal circumstances tried to force you or any other woman to perform any kind of sex act."

She nodded though she doubted he was all that chivalrous. "Regardless, I don't see any reason it should go on your permanent record."

"Thank you." He held the rose up and she pointed to the corner of the desk.

"You may want to activate the EMH on your way out and have him check the status of the virus." She was certain it had run its course as Vorik and everyone else who had shown up with apologies and roses were now better.

"Captain, what can I do for you?" The Doctor asked that evening when she walked into the sickbay activating his program automatically.

"I want you to draw my blood and check it for any signs of virus 128001."

"You know you are the second female with that request today." He furrowed his brow. If he had expected her to be curious about the other person she showed no signs of caring as he drew her blood and promised to look at it right away.

"There's no rush Doctor." She pulled her sleeve back down and started for the door. "Have a good evening."

"I'm a hologram on call. I can only have so much fun." He mumbled to her back.

Tegan didn't want to eat, she didn't want to go back to her quarters which she reasoned probably still smelled like Janeway and definitely still had reminders of the night before in the twisted sheets. Thankfully they didn't normally have surprise inspections of their quarters since she'd run out so quickly that morning she really didn't know what state she'd left them in. Currently the holodecks were booked and in use. So she did the next best thing and headed for med lab one, for some odd reason it was her favorite lab.

On her way out of the sickbay Janeway saw Tegan who gave a quick nod in recognition as she walked past but never made eye contact. Janeway stopped and turned around in time to see her disappear into the med lab. She shook her head and continued on her way to check out things in the mess hall. She wasn't in the mood to deal with her right now and if she found out she was working too many hours and skipping her one perfunctory meal a day she would have Chakotay talk to her. The thought caused her to smile knowing neither one of them would appreciate that currently.

Tegan stepped into the lab half expecting the door to open behind her to a storming Janeway with a lecture on the tip of her tongue. When it didn't happen she pulled up the information she had on the virus from the originating planet and looked it over. They didn't view it as a virus.

"Of course they wouldn't." Tegan mumbled to herself. "All of their scientist are men, horny men who like being horny and see nothing wrong with it." She rubbed the bridge of her nose and turned the computer off before making her way up to the mess hall which she knew was easier than having Janeway track her down later.

"Tegan," Neelix greeted before she even saw him causing Janeway to turn and look at her.

"Hey Neelix, what's cooking?"

"I tried my hand at that hamburger stew you gave me the recipe for but I just gave the last of it to Captain Janeway."

"Ah." She nodded and picked a piece of colorful fruit out of the glass bowl sitting on the counter. She held it up to him and whispered; "Dinner."

"You need to eat more than that." He frowned.

Tegan shook her head. "I'm really not hungry."

"Hey Flash."

Tegan turned to see B'Elanna and Seven a few tables down from the Captain and walked over to join her. "What's up Warp Monkey?"

"Warp Monkey?"

"I'd call you grease monkey, but you're almost never covered in grease. It's an old earth term for an engine mechanic." Tegan took a bite of the fruit that looked similar to a pear but tasted like a peach and made a face.

"I know what a grease monkey is." She pointed to the fruit. "You don't like it?"

"Just wasn't what I was expecting." She shrugged. "So no to warp monkey?"

"I believe warp monkey is very appropriate." Seven lifted her ocular implant.

"How so?" B'Elanna turned to her.

"Well you do work on the warp core and you are always talking about wanting to have 'wild monkey sex'."

Tegan laughed lightly, her eyes diverted to Janeway as a soft sadness danced in ribbons of lime through the shifting dark sea of olive.

B'Elanna dropped her voice. "Well guess who isn't getting any wild monkey sex tonight."

"Some people are trying to eat here." Tegan looked at the two women across from her and shook her head while she took another bite of the fruit.

Seven looked between her and Janeway who kept stealing sideways glances. "I do not believe that is adequate nutrition Dr. Kiser."

"Seven, it's Tegan."

"You are changing the subject." Seven pointed out.

"Yes," Tegan grinned. "I am. And now I'm going to leave you two 'sex monkeys' alone. Have a good one."


	17. Chapter 17

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 2:

Rolling in the Deep 17

She spent most of the night in the med lab and the majority of the wee hours of the morning in the fitness room working out before she returned to her quarters and cleaned everything up from the night before starting with changing the sheets on the bed. She followed it up with a shower and returned to the sick bay for her duty shift. She was going over some reports the doctor left out of a possible stomach bug on deck seven when he activated his program. "Dr. Kiser."

"Doctor, what can I do for you?" She put the PADD on the desk and leaned forward.

"I noticed you didn't replicate your potassium supplement yesterday morning."

"It was kind of a hectic morning and I over looked it."

"And this morning?" He pressed the issue.

"Merely an over site Doctor." She stood up and moved to the replicator, since it was a medical order it didn't come out of her replicator rations not that it mattered she wasn't using them anyway.

He watched her walk over and request that morning's supplement.

"So," she turned and looked at him, "Are you checking up on me?"

"I have the computer set to let me know if you skip two or more doses."

She swallowed it with a gulp of water. "I'm hurt Doctor."

"You did stop taking them for almost a week after Wellis died."

"I don't need to be reminded." The whole thing was still a tender spot for her.

"I realize that." His tone was apologetic. "I just was trying to be helpful."

Tegan shook her. "I'm human, I forget."

"Mmmmhmmm." He pressed his lips together.

* * *

"Are you feeling better this morning?" Janeway took her seat in the Captain's chair.

"Captain?" Chakotay glanced at her.

"I understand you and Dr. Kiser…the other night." She left the details out.

"Way to go Chakotay." Tom turned and congratulated him only to receive death glares from them both.

"It wasn't like that Paris." Chakotay shifted uncomfortably in his seat as he blushed. There wasn't enough ice in the Delta Quadrant to help with the discomfort he felt to his manhood or his ego.

Tom turned back to the helm. "Of course it wasn't, she isn't that kind of woman."

"Do you have a minute?" Chakotay looked down at the PADD in his hand.

Janeway nodded and stood. "My ready room."

Chakotay stepped in behind her with his eyes downcast.

"I already know what you're going to tell me." She turned to him.

"I'm afraid you don't Captain." He knew she was trying to save him the humiliation. He would like to save himself the embarrassment but he couldn't not report it. He wasn't perfect by any stretch of the imagination but he had his honor to try and up hold. He'd spent the last night working on how to approach the report. He waited for her to move behind her desk and sit before he held out the PADD.

"You kissed her." Janeway didn't bother to look at it as he stood in front of her.

"There's more and since she isn't going to report it I felt it was my duty to."

That caused her eyebrow to twitch and she looked down at the PADD.

Chakotay watched as her eyes widened slightly as she tried to keep her chin in place. His stature shrunk a little as she looked back up at him.

She didn't know what to say. Had she done the same thing but actually succeeded? Had she taken advantage of the newest member of Voyager by using her position and rank without actually commanding her? She heard Tegan's whimper in her memory and remembered her biting her lower lip. She pushed the thoughts aside promising to revisit them as soon as she finished here. "I don't know what to say Chakotay."

"I am prepared to face whatever punishment my actions require."

"You were infected." She sighed, at least he had that excuse.

"I was."

"And she isn't placing you on report?" She looked down at the PADD again.

"No, she isn't."

"I think you've suffered enough, all things considered." She tried not to indicate his wounds with her eyes. "I trust the doctor was able to treat your injuries?"

"For the most part, yes." He felt the tenderness and remaining swelling were private matters.

"I think there were a lot of mistakes made over the last several nights." She shook her head not bothering to cloak the self-deprecating tone.

"Captain?"

She shook her head again, this time with more conviction. "You're dismissed Commander."

* * *

"Hey?" B'Elanna walked up to the table where Tegan was sitting alone.

"Hmmm." Tegan glanced up at her.

"Mind if I join you?"

Tegan shook her head.

"What happened?" B'Elanna pointed to the bruises on her face as she sat down with her dinner. She hadn't gotten a chance to ask the night before with all the talk of monkeys.

"The virus."

"Vorik?"

Tegan shrugged.

"Those are bruises from a Vulcan mating ritual gone bad and Tuvok is in better control of himself virus or not."

Tegan neither confirmed nor denied the assumption as she picked at her meal.

"Are you ok?" B'Elanna asked.

"Yeah." She looked up as Janeway walked in, her eyes immediately and unconsciously scanning for Tegan. When their eyes met Janeway quickly glanced down and Tegan brought hers back to B'Elanna. "Why?"

"You're quiet, even for you."

"Tired, I didn't sleep last night."

"Bad dreams?"

"You would've heard me scream." She wasn't phishing for information.

"Seven and I were, uh, in the astrometrics lab. The second night in a row." She tried to control the smile that was pulling at her lips.

"Working?"

B'Elanna blushed darkening her olive complexion. "Well, it was research. I don't know that you could call it work."

"Enough said." She grinned knowingly and stood up to take her tray to be cleaned.

* * *

It was 0235 when B'Elanna sat straight up in bed the scream still echoing in her ears as if there were no walls dividing them. Her back was sore from the climb she'd done that evenign and all she wanted to do was sleep but if she didn't get up someone else might end up calling security afraid there was an intruder attacking Tegan. She pulled on her robe and trudged out into the hall. Her hair was mussed from sleep and she threw her hand in the air and mumbled. "It's ok, I've got it."

She didn't even bother asking for permission to go in, she just quickly bypassed the locks. "It's B'Elanna, I'm coming in."

"I'm fine." Tegan groaned. "Computer, lights to 30%."

"You're not fine. I'm certain you screamed loud enough to wake the Captain up."

Tegan stared at B'Elanna blankly.

"Where's the frog?" B'Elanna looked around the room.

"I got rid of it." Tegan shrugged.

"Well un-get rid of it." She propped her hands on her hips. "Some of us would like to sleep through the night."

"I agree B'Elanna some of us would like to sleep through the night. Monkey sex isn't exactly quiet."

B'Elanna marched over to the replicator. "Computer replicate the frog that was previously recycled at this station."

"How do you know I recycled it?"

"What else are you going to do with it? I know you didn't carry it through the halls because everyone would be talking about it." She picked up the frog and threw it at her. "Here's your Janeway frog, now maybe we both can get some sleep."

"My what?"

"You heard me."

"I don't want it." She threw it back.

"Fine I'll hold onto it and when we get back to earth you can feed it to a Targ. In the meantime maybe you should replicate a cot and sleep in cargo bay two with Seven, at least you won't wake her up."

"Just give me the damn frog and get out."

"Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed." B'Elanna huffed and stalked out of the room.

Tegan held Fraggle up and looked at the blue eyes. "Screw you!"

* * *

"Hey Harry," Tom called back from his seat at the conn. "I've got a date tonight."

"She said yes?" He sounded surprised.

"Yeah, I'm guessing since I didn't try to play tonsil hockey with her during that whole 'love virus' fiasco she thought she'd give me a chance."

"Man." Harry grumbled. "I knew I should have asked."

Janeway shifted in her seat and Chakotay flushed lightly before clearing his throat. "Gentlemen, think we can get back to work?"

"Sure thing Commander." Tom glanced back at him. "Just making a little small talk."

She only had an inkling of who he was talking about and decided she wanted to know more. "So, where are you taking her?"

"I was thinking about taking her to Dublin and hit the Brazen Head Inn and Pub for dinner." He shrugged and pulled out his best Irish accent. "She's half Irish you know?"

"Really?" Harry asked from his desk behind command. "I thought Kiser was German."

"It is Harry, but her mother was one-hundred percent Irish, born and bred." Janeway lifted an unobserved eyebrow as he continued, she hadn't looked into Tegan's ancestry and was pleasantly surprised. "Her dad was like only one-tenth German or something."

"Are you stalking her Tom?" Chakotay's tone was lighter than Janeway's would have been.

"Of course not, it just helps to know these things if you intend to court someone."

"Court?" Janeway retorted as if it was the most ridiculous thing she'd ever heard, it was one date.

"Court, to try to win another's affections, to date." He gave her a funny look as she stood up.

"Good luck with that." She looked down at him. "You might want to try something a little more invigorating for your date. I doubt the Brazen Head will keep her attention for long." She turned to Chakotay, "I'll be in my ready room."

"Jealous much?" Tom muttered to himself.

"Lieutenant?"

Tom glanced back at Chakotay who had obvious heard the words he'd only meant to think. "Sorry sir."

* * *

Janeway had been peculiarly quite over dinner.

"She's a vixen." Chakotay picked up his water and when Janeway raised her eyes to meet his he chuckled. "I'm kidding Kathryn. Why should you be any different than any other member of this crew?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You deserve someone special in your life." He tapped his forehead. "I've seen the way you look at her."

"I don't look at her any differently than I look at you, or B'Elanna, or Seven, or anyone else on my crew."

"If you say so."

"I am going to tell you this in the strictest confidence as my friend." She leaned forward and spoke in a conspiratorial tone, glad they were having dinner in her quarters. "I crossed a line that I never should have even come close to."

"If she didn't say no, then you did nothing wrong."

She wondered why such things always had to be so black and white with guys; could they not see all the shades of gray? "She didn't have to say no. I am her captain."

"What if she told you she didn't want to be Starfleet? She would stay on serving in the same capacity she currently is and when we get back to earth she could be hired as a civilian contractor."

"She's career military, I would never ask her to give that up. Not to mention she just finished the last of the written exams for Starfleet and passed every one with near perfect marks I might add." She sighed, "Besides, I would still be her boss."

"For now, but I think she can separate the two."


	18. Chapter 18

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 2:

Rolling in the Deep 18

Tom debated bringing flowers but he wasn't sure what she would like and he felt goofy bringing flowers to her. He stood waiting at the entrance to the holodeck with his hands tightly gripping one another behind his back. For some reason it was worse than waiting for his very first date when he was a teenager. Finally he spotted her, the red hair was always a dead giveaway, as she rounded the corner. His face relaxed and he smiled. "Right on time."

"I believe in punctuality."

"You sound like Seven."

"You dated Seven?" The thought was comical and she couldn't picture it or stop the grin that pulled at her lips when she tried.

"No!" Tom pointed to the holodeck entrance. "Shall we?"

"Of course." She tried to sound more enthusiastic than she was. She had only agreed to go out with him because Tom was a nice guy and she could use the distraction.

* * *

Janeway passed Tegan in the hall where they exchanged a glance before Tegan slipped into sickbay and she headed on to the bridge. It was another slow day there and it didn't take long for Harry to ask the burning question on everyone's mind. "So Tom, how'd your date go last night?"

"It was horrible." He moaned.

"It couldn't have been that bad, it was Tegan after all."

"Oh she's fun," Tom agreed heartily with a nod. "And she really tried to enjoy the date but it was like she was distracted."

"What did you do?" Chakotay was curious as much for himself as for the woman sitting to his right.

"I took her repelling off the Eiffel Tower."

"That sounds fun." Janeway could see the adventurous redhead enjoying something like that. As much as she wanted Tegan to get over their one night romp in the hay, she couldn't help but feel jealous that Tom had spent the evening before with her. After Chakotay left she had spent the night alone in her quarters trying to forget the best night's sleep she'd had in a very long time. She tried to forget the how it felt waking in Tegan's bed pressed against her naked body, the guilt that quickly followed the pleasure of it and the activities of the night before.

"I thought so, but whenever we stopped to take in the view she just stared off." He shrugged, his own eyes vacant as he thought back on hers. "I don't know, I think there's someone else."

"Here on Voyager?" Harry asked.

"Maybe or maybe back in her timeline, but I get the feeling it's someone here." His eyes drifted over to the Captain. "She left half way through dinner apologizing and saying her stomach wasn't feeling well."

Janeway pulled her eyes from Tom's and looked up at the view screen, it was going to be a long day on the bridge and she almost found herself wishing for some cataclysmic event to get her mind off the ache she was feeling.

* * *

She walked into the mess hall at the same time she had every night that week. She looked around and didn't see any sign of Tegan. "Neelix, has Dr. Kiser been in?"

"I haven't seen her tonight, or last night come to think of it."

"She had a date last night."

"A date?" He raised his eyebrows as he studied Janeway's expression. Sometimes she was just so hard to read.

She stepped into the hallway. "Computer locate Dr. Kiser."

"Dr. Kiser is in her office." They had finally updated Voyager's records to reflect the office as hers and the EMH's.

* * *

She was sitting in Jefferies tube ten, section ten when the doors opened between it and section nine. She glanced over expecting to see a seething Janeway coming through after having the computer scan for her life signs, instead she was greeted by Seven's unemotional face. "Captain Janeway is looking for you."

Tegan watched her move beside her and remove the panel she was sitting near. "And I suppose you are going to tell her where I am?"

"It would not be an efficient use of my time." She pulled her tricorder out and scanned the bio-gel pack. "She did not however, look very happy."

"No." Tegan grinned complacently. "She gets a little upset when I leave my combadge lying around." She had taken it off and shoved it in a drawer before leaving the office in sickbay. She needed a full day away from Janeway, she couldn't stand the way she looked at her with those eyes. They held so much want, concern, guilt; even if the guilt was for all the wrong reasons. She knew if she didn't show up for dinner Janeway would look for her or send someone else to. So she had done the only thing she could think of, she had gone into hiding which was pretty much impossible on Voyager. "How are things between you and B'Elanna?"

"It is a personal relationship Doctor."

"Sorry, I was just making conversation."

"We do not have to talk."

"No we don't." Tegan watched her work for a second.

It didn't take long for Seven to break into the silence, curiosity bubbling inside her. "Why are you hiding here?"

"Because she knows all of my favorite haunts."

"Haunts?" She turned her head, her optical implant raising in question.

"Places I like to hang out."

"Which are?"

"The bio and med labs, sickbay, the galley."

"I see."

"And your favorite haunts?" Tegan adjusted her position.

"Astrometrics and engineering."

"Of course."

Seven turned to face Tegan. "We are very much alike."

"How so?"

"We are both work driven and we are both in love."

"I am not in love." Tegan shook her head.

"I have observed you around the Captain, how your capillaries flush, your pupils dilate, and your respirations and heart rate increase."

"Maybe she intimidates me." Tegan offered with a slight shrug.

"You do not intimidate easily." She replaced the panel. "I am done here."

"You won't mention seeing me?"

"No, I won't."


	19. Chapter 19

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 2:

Rolling in the Deep 19

"Commander, what can I do for you?" Tegan looked up when he walked into sickbay at 1000 hours.

"I see you're wearing your combadge again."

"Yes sir, and it won't happen again. I realize how important it is as first medical officer to be reachable at all times."

"Yes it is." He stared at her for long enough that she started to fidget with her Starfleet badge. "If it happens again I'll have it implanted under your skin. Is that understood?"

"Yes sir."

"Good day." He nodded once before walking out.

* * *

"Chakotay." Janeway stepped out of her ready room. He had only been back on the bridge for 20 minutes. "I'm missing yesterday's medical report, could you please see if it's ready."

He stood up as Tom turned to look at her, they both knew she usually used something like a missing report as an excuse to stretch her legs and she could have just as easily used the comm system to request it. "Certainly Captain."

As he turned to leave the doors to the bridge opened and Tegan stepped off the turbo lift with a PADD in her left hand. "Sorry, I forgot to deliver this yesterday Captain. It slipped my mind."

Janeway looked at Chakotay who looked from her to Tegan and held his hand out while giving the younger woman an intriguing look. "It's not like you to forget something like this."

She handed the PADD to him. "No sir. I'm afraid it was just one of those days."

"Busy?" He asked. "I don't remember hearing about anything major happening."

"No Commander, like I said, it's just one of those days."

"We all have those days Tegan."

"Yes sir." She tried not to roll her eyes. "I should get back to sick bay. Sir, Captain."

* * *

"It was the oddest thing." Tom leaned in as he talked to Seven and B'Elanna over dinner that night. "I've never seen the Captain ignore anyone but she was definitely ignoring Tegan."

"Maybe Dr. Kiser requested she stop by for her physical, she does not like to be examined."

"I don't know." Tom stood up and picked up his empty tray. "Will I see you ladies at the pub later tonight?"

"I think we're going to pass." B'Elanna answered knowing Seven felt hanging out on the holodeck was an inefficient use of their time and she had plans back in her quarters for a quiet evening. After he left B'Elanna turned to Seven. "It must be pretty bad if Tom noticed."

"Maybe I was wrong in my observation." She looked across the mess hall as Tegan came in and Janeway stiffened slightly. "I thought they were in love."

B'Elanna looked at Seven and tried not to laugh. It wasn't that long ago she had teased Tegan about being in love, after a comment Seven had made; but she really wasn't sure she ever really thought she was. "The Captain and Tegan?"

"Yes, their physiological responses when they were near mimicked that of love. Elevated heart rate, pupil dilation, increased respiration."

"Stress can cause those reactions as well."

"Yes but I have not observed those particular reactions in Captain Janeway before." Seven continued to watch as Tegan talked to Neelix but made no attempt to request something to eat. "However today the reactions are different; somehow they seem cold and indifferent."

B'elanna looked over just as Captain Janeway stepped up behind Tegan causing her to take a calculated step to the right. "You might be right, but I don't think humans are that predictable."

"You do not think that that was odd."

"I didn't say that."

Tegan picked out a piece of fruit from the bowl and looked at it.

"Did you know that little plum has seven essential nutrients packed in it?" Neelix pointed to the bright orange ball in her hand.

"Perfect, I'll take it." She smiled at him and walked out.

It wasn't 30 minutes later that Tom came rushing into the mess hall immediately drawing Janeway's attention as he scanned the tables finding B'Elanna and Seven exactly where he'd left them. He skipped over and without waiting for acknowledgment interrupted their quiet conversation. "You have got to come with me to holodeck 2, Harry and I went in to start up the pub program and there was already a program running."

"Yeah so?" B'Elanna gave him her best 'get to the point' annoyed Klingon look.

"Tegan's in there singing, she doesn't know anyone's in there yet. You've got to hear her."

* * *

Tegan sat on a stool in the middle of the stage with a single dim spotlight shining on her. She had changed out of her uniform and into a white gauze skirt with a pale blue top. She picked at the guitar strings and cleared her throat. "Sorry it's been awhile since I've played."

If she thought about it, it had been since before she had lost her arm since she had played or really sang. But she wasn't thinking about that, she was trying to clear her mind and pick one of the millions of songs that were bouncing around like a bunch of Mexican jumping beans in her head. Did she want to go romantic and sing about the feelings she couldn't extinguish, or did she want to let the anger she felt at being tossed aside like she didn't matter choose the song for her, or maybe the loneliness she felt over it all, or the hopelessness. She realized she had almost as many emotions bottled up as she did songs.

She played a few cords. "'You'll be sorry, isn't that what they'll say. Don't follow your heart cause it just seems to get in your way.'" ¹

She didn't see Tom and Harry come in, or Tom slip out after she'd sung a few more songs. She continued to sing songs at random.

"'Well, I never want to see you unhappy. I thought you'd want the same from me. Goodbye my almost lover, good bye my hopeless dream. I'm trying not to think about you, can't you just let me be.'" She looked up and realized her audience had changed from a sea of nameless faces generated by the computer's holoemitters to faces of her fellow crew members. Most were sitting there in awe of her talent, all were being entirely too quiet for her comfort. She wanted to stop mid lyric, especially when she spotted Janeway standing over by the bar staring at her but she was always taught the show must go on; so maintaining eye contact she finished the song. "'So long my luckless romance, my back is turned on you. Should have known you would bring me heartache, almost lovers always do." ²

She blushed as they applauded and whistled. "I uh, guess I forgot to lock the door on the way in."

She saw Janeway turn to leave as someone yelled, "Do you take requests?"

"What do you want me to sing sailor?"

* * *

¹ Lyrics from "Drowning" by Dashboard Confessional

² Lyrics from "Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy


	20. Chapter 20

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 2:

Rolling in the Deep 20

It was a little after 1500 hours when voyager suddenly listed forward without warning and Tegan caught herself on the console she was standing near jamming her wrist. Before she even had time to think about it she heard Janeway's voice through her combadge. "Bridge to sickbay Lieutenant Paris is in need of assistance."

"On my way." She grabbed her medical kit and ran out the door. As she assessed him she could hear Janeway talking to B'Elanna over the comm, one of the stabilizers had malfunctioned and she was working on finding a cause. She turned to Harry. "I need a site to site transport to get him back to the infirmary."

"Doctor?" Janeway marched into the infirmary barking for anyone to tell her if her favorite helmsman would be alright.

Tegan turned and glared briefly at her abruptness in the otherwise calm sickbay. "He hit his head a little too hard which caused the loss of consciousness. I've treated the intracranial swelling but I'm insisting he take the next 24 hours off without any holodeck time or looking at computer readouts, including PADDS."

"Me? Read?" He smirked as he rubbed the back of his head. "Never."

"You heard her Tom."

"Right." He slipped off the exam table and headed for the exit.

"Don't forget if you start to feel worse or you vomit I need to see you right away." Tegan called after him.

"I won't." He stepped through the open door.

Janeway looked at Tegan who seemed to be waiting for something. "Stop looking at me like I drop kicked your cat."

"I don't have a cat." Tegan retorted.

"You know what I mean."

"Actually I don't Captain. I've been nothing but professional, you're the one who has been avoiding me since that morning." She wasn't counting her time hiding out in the Jefferies tubes.

"I crossed a line that never should have been crossed."

"I think you need to re-examine your lines because the one line you think you crossed isn't the one with the most bearing." Tegan wished she wasn't in sickbay so she could retreat after that last statement, but there she was with nowhere to run. Instead she watched as the horror of it played out on Janeway's face.

"I didn't—you never said stop." She remembered Tegan grabbing her wrist, slowing her down but was she trying to stop her? "You never said no." The slight trembling of her body beneath hers. "I didn't force you."

"No," Tegan shook her head. "I was a willing participant."

She almost sighed but her body was too tense to allow that much air to escape her lungs. "The virus?"

"I don't show any antibodies, so it would appear I was never infected. As for you, I asked the doctor to seal that part of your record from me. So you would have to consult him."

"But you were shaking. You were frightened."

"There are lots of reasons people shake."

She rested an open palm against her stomach. "You're a—I was your first?"

"Winner, winner, chicken dinner," Tegan's voice lyrically danced through the monologue like the master of a three-ringed circus as he announces the bearded lady. "But that's not the best part. It was 'a mistake', I was a mistake. My whole life was based on me being a mistake. A faulty condom, a skipped abortion and a mistake was born. Hell for all I know my being here in the Delta Quadrant, meeting you, all of that was just some giant mistake, just like me."

If the words hadn't been so true, her presentation would have been comical. As it was it took Janeway over a minute to process the information as her stomach churned like a seasick elephant was dancing inside it.

She was looking across the room when Janeway touched her arm and she jerked back. "Don't touch me. It may have been a mistake on your part, it wasn't on mine. But know this Captain; I will not be your mistake again." She waited a second before speaking in her normal tone. "Now if you don't mind Captain, my shift ended 30 minutes ago."

She didn't respond as Tegan walked out without removing her lab coat. It was the only time she could remember being left truly speechless, at least since her academy days.

Tegan didn't see her in the mess hall that night and she actually felt guilty for the way she had reacted earlier. It wasn't that she didn't mean what she said, she did, every last word of it. She wanted to mean it anyway. She didn't want to be anyone's mistake but when she thought back to Janeway's expression as she tried to process all the information, she felt sorry for her. No, that wasn't what she felt, not really, she felt something that was so much more.

After dinner she'd wandered back to sickbay and was sitting in her office with her feet propped up on the desk. "Seven to sickbay."

"Go ahead." Tegan hit her combadge.

Seven made a face and looked at Janeway who insisted she was fine. "You are bleeding profusely Captain." She turned her attention back to Tegan. "Dr. Kiser, Captain Janeway is injured we are on holodeck one."

"I'm on my way." She put the PADD she'd been reading down and looked over at the doctor who flickered as she walked past with her portable medical kit. She walked in and immediately spotted Janeway sitting against the wall grumbling about not needing to see a doctor. "What happened?"

"We were playing Velocity." Seven explained as Tegan squatted to Janeway's left. "She was trying to avoid the disc and hit her head on one of the beams."

Tegan nodded as she ran her eyes over the holodeck supports and emitter arrays before lowering them to Janeway. "How are you feeling Captain?"

"I was going to win that round." She looked at Seven.

"Captain, can you focus on me for a minute?" Her voice was soft and Janeway brought her eyes to meet hers. "Thank you." She held a single finger up. "Can you follow my finger?"

Janeway tracked Tegan's finger as she moved it from left to right and up and down.

"Good." Tegan reached forward and felt around the still actively bleeding laceration.

Although the area was tender Janeway hadn't expected her touch to be so soft and caring, especially after their exchange earlier in the day. "You should be off duty."

"Yes ma'am, I should be." She held three fingers up. "How many fingers?"

"The Doctor wouldn't…"

"Please," she sighed, "Captain let me do this my way."

"Three," she groaned. "Why are you here?"

"Because Seven called for a doctor and currently the EMH is having problems with his holomatirx." She pulled out her medical tricorder and scanned Janeway's head. "B'Elanna is working on it. You've got a minor concussion. I can treat the laceration and the swelling but I suggest you take it easy the rest of the night and if your headache gets worse or you vomit please notify the doctor or myself immediately."


	21. Chapter 21

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 2:

Rolling in the Deep 21

When she entered the mess hall her eyes immediately landed on Tegan, not that it was hard to spot her she was currently the only fiery redhead on board, both in her natural hair color and her disposition. She saw Tegan start to turn toward her and looked away before having to endure another wounded expression shot her way.

"Captain, what can I get you?" Neelix asked as she turned to look over the dinner selections.

"I'll race you to the top." She heard Tegan challenge someone at her table.

"You're on." B'Elanna stood up and grabbed her tray.

"Don't you guys have to place a wager or something?" Harry asked with the innocence that he was known for.

"The winner gets bragging rights Harry, that's all I need." Tegan grinned at B'Elanna. "How about you Torres? Do you need a better prize?"

"My prize is waiting for me in the astrometrics lab." She smiled the most un-Klingon smile possible.

"Maybe we should place a wager then." Tegan tilted her head. "Seeing as you'll get your prize win or lose."

"Name it Flash."

"I win, you get to sterilize the sick bay from top to bottom by hand."

"And if I win, you get to clean all the plasma conduits with a sonic tooth brush."

Janeway wanted to remind them they had just eaten and should wait a few hours before engaging in such activities but at the same time she wanted to see Tegan loose due to an abdominal cramp and have to clean those plasma conduits. It would serve her right for going out with Tom. Besides she knew neither woman would listen to her advice unless it came out as an order.

* * *

"That's a nasty bruise." B'Elanna pointed to the bull's eye mark on her right upper arm. "How'd you get it?"

Tegan shrugged. Most of the bruises from Vorik and Chakotay were shadows and outlines having had several days to heal.

"There's another one on your calf, and they're fairly new." B'Elanna thought for a minute. "You've been using the holodeck with the safeties off."

Tegan shrugged this time letting her eyebrows raise with her shoulders.

"You'd better not let Janeway find out."

"It's racquetball, not base jumping. Now are we going to do this or not?"

* * *

"Ensign Kim," Janeway had been sitting there debating asking about it for the last hour and finally her curiosity won out.

"Ma'am?"

"Who won last night?"

"Captain?"

"I was in the mess hall when Torres and Kiser placed their wagers on the rock climb."

"Oh." He blushed lightly. "No one ma'am."

She turned and looked at him with her furrowed brow. "No one?"

"Tegan was in the lead." Tom spoke drawing her gaze back to the front of the bridge. He had gotten the story first hand from B'Elanna and Tegan. "But she got to a spot where she really should have back tracked, which would have put her and B'Elanna even. Instead she decided to take her chances and she over reached which would have been fine, the safety protocols were on, except her right foot was wedged in too tightly and as she lost her grip the foot stayed were it was and I had to go help B'Elanna get her back to sickbay."

"Leave it to her to get injured with the safety protocols on." A small grin pulled at Janeway's lips. "Sprain?"

"No," Tom extended the word on a breath. "Broke the base of her tibia and fibula. And you know all about her physiology. The Doc thought he got it half way healed with the osteogenic stimulator."

"Sickbay to Captain Janeway."

She frowned at Tom. "Go ahead Doctor."

"I'm having a problem with Dr. Kiser, could you come down here for a minute."

"What is the problem Doctor?" She watched Tom turn back to the conn and shake his head as he chuckled.

"She has a broken ankle; it's in my report from last night that you no doubt haven't gotten to yet." He grumbled before getting to the point. "I told her to take medical leave for the next week and she still reported for duty this morning. She is refusing to follow my orders."

"What do you want me to do about?" She glanced at Chakotay and shrugged.

"You're the Captain."

"And you're the Chief Medical Officer, or did you forget?"

"No ma'am, I haven't forgotten."

"Good, then deal with it Doctor." She frowned at Chakotay. "I give it five minutes."

"Would you like me to take care of it?"

"No." She stood. "He's the Chief Medical Officer it's about time he learned how to handle insubordinate patients." She looked up at her head of Security. "Though he may enlist your help Tuvok, only if he feels time in the brig is necessary."

"Aye Captain."

"You have the Bridge Chakotay." She turned and disappeared into her ready room only to reappear an hour later to head to the sickbay where she hoped to find only the Doctor.

"Oh Shit." She dropped the osteogenic stimulator and bit her finger just as Janeway walked in and looked over at her.

"I didn't know you used such language." Janeway commented off handedly as the Doctor materialized and marched over to the exam table Tegan was sitting on with the walking cast they had replicated sitting beside her and the crutches propped against the wall.

"I thought I told you to stop this." He tapped the stimulator in midair shaking it in her direction.

"And I thought I told you to take care of this Doctor." Janeway growled.

"We took care of it." Tegan grinned at the doctor as he pulled out his tricorder and ran it over and around her ankle. "I get to work if I stay off my feet for 75% of the day, so he's seeing patients and I'm…"

"Driving me insane," He groused. "I told you, you are going to do more damage by continuing to try to mend it at this point." He turned the tricorder screen to her. "Look, you've already undone 12% of the 51% mending I was able to do and I can't do anymore."

"So she's currently only 39% healed?" Captain Janeway drew his attention.

"I'm afraid so Captain. The naquada in her system just doesn't allow our technology to heal her to the point it does most other people."

"I remember Doctor." She nodded and turned to Tegan. "You and the Doctor can work out what you can do during the rest of the time it takes you to heal but I want you to take the rest of the day off."

Tegan scoffed, "Or you'll what? Throw me in the brig Captain?"

Janeway jerked the tricorder out of the Doctor's hand and started scanning Tegan. "You better hope your electrolytes are severely imbalanced Lieutenant."

"They're not." Tegan let her know before her eyes scanned the readout confirming it. "Go ahead, I can handle it."

Janeway laid the medical tricorder down on the bed and hit her combadge. "Tuvok I need two security officers to report to sickbay."

"Aye Captain."

Tegan stared at Janeway with a smug look on her face as she paced from few feet away.

She wanted to strangle her, grab her by the shoulders and kiss her. She shook the thought from her head, she wanted to shake her shoulders and – she turned as the door opened thankful her mind didn't go back to wanting to devour those pink moist lips. "Gentleman, please escort Lieutenant Kiser to her quarters."

The self-satisfied look Tegan had been sporting slipped from her face and shattered on the floor as she grabbed her walking boot and shoved her leg into it a little too hard causing her to bite her lower lip to keep from moaning.

"She's to remain confined to her quarters for the next 48, no make that 72 hours." Once they had gone she turned to the Doctor. "See how easy that was?"

"Easy for you, you're the Captain." He rolled his eyes. "Did you just come down here to gloat?"

"No, I came down to find out the results of my blood work."

"Ah, of course." He wagged his eye brows. "You'll be happy to know I found no antibodies from the virus in your blood, you were not infected with virus 128001."

"So there's no way it could have…" she let her voice trail off.

"Is there something you want to tell me Captain?"

"No." She shook her head.

"It is possible that all the pheromones floating around in the air from the men could have caused some of the women to have feelings they normally wouldn't have and they may have acted on them."

"Really?" She gave him an intrigued look.

"Only a remote chance, mind you Captain."

"Thank you Doctor."

"Anytime." He spoke to her retreating back.


	22. Chapter 22

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 2:

Rolling in the Deep 22

Janeway walked over to where B'Elanna, Tom and Harry were sitting.

"I feel bad, I mean if I hadn't brought it up she wouldn't have broken her ankle and Janeway wouldn't have confined her to quarters."

Tom cleared his throat and looked up. "Captain, what can we do for you?"

She lowered one of the two trays she was holding. "B'Elanna would you deliver this to Ms. Kiser and make sure she eats it?"

"Um—sure." She hadn't ever heard Janeway refer to Tegan as Ms. Kiser.

"Thank you." She took her tray and joined Chakotay.

"You should just let her use her replicator rations." Chakotay spoke around a mouthful of food.

"She wouldn't eat for the entire time if I did that." Janeway shook her head. "She barely uses any of her replicator rations as is."

"I do not doubt that she crossed the line Kathryn, but you really need to think about what we talked about."

"There's nothing to think about. I am the Captain, besides," she lowered her voice, "she's not interested in a relationship with me."

"Fine, keep telling yourself that." He dropped his fork in the middle of his tray. "If you'll excuse me."

* * *

"Who is it?" Tegan demanded when she heard the door chime.

"B'Elanna."

"Come in." She watched the door open and B'Elanna walk in with the tray. "Did you get the short straw?"

"Something like that." B'Elanna shrugged. "Look I'm really sorry about your ankle."

"I told you last night it's not your fault." She pointed to the table. "You can sit it down over there."

"I've been asked to make sure you eat."

"Of course you have." Tegan smirked. "Pull up a chair and make yourself comfortable, because if you plan to stay until I've eaten you'll be here until my confinement has been lifted."

B'Elanna pulled a chair over and sat across from Tegan who had her foot elevated on pillows at the foot of the bed. She propped her ankle on her knee, sat back and crossed her arms in front of her.

After several minutes of silence Tegan spoke. "She hates me."

"The captain?"

Tegan nodded.

"She hates the Borg queen, and she really doesn't like the Hirogen or the Vidiians. But she doesn't hate you."

"Could have fooled me."

"Look." B'Elanna moved her hands to her lap and leaned forward. "I don't know what happened between you two last week but take it from someone who knows, you need to deal with it. Do whatever you have to do to put it behind you or the rest of your trip home is going to be hell."

"I'm not going home." Tegan fell back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling.

B'Elanna dropped her foot to the floor. "What?"

"I don't have a home there. There's nothing on earth waiting for me."

B'Elanna kept forgetting that, even though she didn't have much she at least had her mom and somewhere out there if she wanted to look him up was her father. Seven, they had recently found out had an aunt that was still living and eager to see her again. But Tegan had no one and for the first time B'Elanna wondered how she managed to normally stay so upbeat and keep going. She pulled some sappy phrase from the Captain Janeway handbook. "You'll always have your family on Voyager."

Tegan rolled her head to the side and looked at her.

"I know." B'Elanna lifted her hands in the air. "It sounded a lot better in my head."

"I'm still not going to eat." She confessed.

B'Elanna nodded. "So what did you do to get confined to your quarters?"

"When Janeway told me to take the rest of the day off I asked her if she was going to throw me in the brig if I didn't."

"Not such a good move."

"Oh I don't know." Tegan shrugged.

"Can I bribe you?"

"Bribe me?"

"Yeah, to get you to eat."

"You don't want to tell her I didn't eat do you?"

"No, she's been a real bitch lately; ever since you started walking around looking like a wounded Targ." She knew she shouldn't ask but she couldn't help it. "So what did happen?"

Tegan shook her head. "I'm not telling and I'm sorry but I'm not going to eat either."

"Fine." She stood up and retrieved the tray.

"She didn't eat?" Janeway was standing there talking to Neelix and drinking a cup of coffee when B'Elanna brought the untouched tray in.

"You didn't actually think she would did you?"

"I told you to make sure she did." Janeway sat her coffee mug down.

"I wasn't aware it was an order Captain, and I certainly can't sit on her and force feed her."

"Oh I think you could." There was no humor lacing her response.

"I don't know what the hell happened between you two but maybe someone needs to lock you both in the brig for a couple days to figure things out."

"Ms. Torres, you are out of line."

"Yes ma'am I am."

"You had better leave before I have the mind to throw you in the brig myself." Janeway watched her give a solitary nod before she retreated.

"I wonder what got into her." Neelix thought aloud earning a stern look from Captain Janeway before she picked up her mug and marched out.


	23. Chapter 23

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 2:

Rolling in the Deep 23

Chakotay leaned over and whispered to Janeway. "You can't avoid her forever Kathryn."

"She looks at me like a hurt puppy every time I see her." She stood up. "I'll be in my ready room."

She growled as the door chimed only minutes after she had left the bridge. "Who is it?"

"Tuvok."

"Come in." She stood facing the front of the ship as she stared out the large viewport.

"You should talk to her." He spoke upon stepping in.

"Who?"

"You know very well who I am talking about, Captain."

"There's nothing to talk about. I am her Captain." She turned and looked at her old friend. "She has no interest in me."

"That is not what I have observed."

"It doesn't matter, Starfleet protocol—"

"Captain," he interrupted her, "Even Starfleet could not expect you to stick to that protocol while you are stuck in the Delta Quadrant for the next 40 to 50 years. It just is not logical."

"Isn't it?" She didn't bother to tell him she planned to have them home long before then. "As Captain it is highly inappropriate for me to have relations with any member of my crew."

"Under normal circumstances I would agree with you but these are not normal circumstances. We were only meant to be gone for a three week mission and we have been gone for over four years. It is illogical to think that you would not fall in love in that time. I also believe it is illogical to deny yourself a relationship."

"I appreciate your input Tuvok, but I owe it to my crew."

"Captain, you owe it to your crew to be happy." He raised an eyebrow briefly. "I am sorry, I know I have overstepped my bounds as your security officer and your friend."

"No Tuvok, you are within your boundaries as my friend." She nodded to him as he turned to leave.

Janeway looked up when the door chimed again, no more than ten minutes after Tuvok had gone, and sighed; "Come in."

B'Elanna stepped into her ready room and scanned from the desk over to the couch where Janeway was reviewing reports and working on her second cup of java.

"If you've come to apologize for last night don't bother."

"Oh I haven't." B'Elanna shook her head. "I may have been out of line Captain, but I wasn't the only one."

"Oh?"

"Permission to speak freely?"

Janeway nodded and pointed to the other end of the couch. "Have a seat."

"Thank you, Captain." She ascended the few steps up to the sitting area and sat. "I could be wrong Captain, but I don't think you and Tegan hate each other despite how much you seem to clash."

"I never meant to give the impression that I dislike Dr. Kiser." She sat the PADD she was reading aside.

"Maybe not, but you have had her both in the brig and confined to her quarters in as many months."

Janeway leaned forward and placed her mug on the table in front of the couch. "Would you rather I let her get away with insubordination?"

"No ma'am, but I have been disrespectful and insubordinate at least as much if not more so than Tegan has been and you have yet to throw me in the brig."

"I can change that you know?"

"Yes Captain."

"What is your point B'Elanna?"

B'Elanna looked away for a second as she gathered her thoughts. "I don't know that there was one. I got side tracked from the main reason I came to see you."

"Which is?"

"When I went in to take dinner to Tegan last night, we were talking I told her that maybe she needed to put whatever has happened between the two of you behind her."

"I remember telling you something like that once."

B'Elanna nodded. "I told her if she didn't her trip home would be hell, and she said she wasn't going home. I don't think of it very often because compared to Seven she's very well adjusted here but she doesn't have anyone."

"She has us."

"Yeah I fed her that same corny line and just like dinner she refused to eat it." She shrugged as she thought. "It's hard to accept that Voyager is family when you think the Captain hates you."

"I don't hate her." Janeway wanted to say that what she felt for her was quite the opposite.

"I know that, I'm just not sure that she knows that." She cleared her throat. "Look Captain, I know I am stepping way out of line here, but you both need to figure out what is going on before it's too late. You both deserve to be happy."

"What did she tell you?"

"She didn't tell me anything. I just know that before last week and aside from Wellis' death Tegan was happy and since whatever happened she's been avoiding you like the plague and you've been preoccupied. It's not good for either one of you."

"Captain, do you have a minute?"

"No Neelix I do not." She continued to march down the hall as he skipped to catch up. She had just finished talking to B'Elanna.

"It'll only take a minute. I'll just walk with you." He fell into step beside her. "It's about Tegan, Captain."

Janeway stopped and Neelix almost toppled over as his feet stopped but his body tried to keep its forward momentum. She glared at him with pursed lips.

"I sense there is some kind of tension between you two."

"I haven't the faintest idea what you are referring to." She readily denied the accusation.

"You know, tension Captain. I mean, I know you like her. Maybe it's tension of a sexual nature?" He remained oblivious to the tightening of her features as he verbally stumbled forward. "I mean, I don't see why Starfleet protocol is so important out here. If you ask me, love is more important than that stupid chain of command."

"I don't remember asking you Mr. Neelix." Her voice grumbled deep in her chest.

"No Captain, I suppose you didn't."


	24. Chapter 24

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 2:

Rolling in the Deep 24

"You shouldn't drink so much of that stuff, you might sleep better." Chakotay stepped into the mess hall to see Janeway staring out the viewport with a mug of coffee in her hand.

She looked down at the still full mug knowing it was now cold. "It's not the coffee that's keeping me up. You?"

"I rarely drink the stuff." He stepped up beside her and rested back against a table.

"Then what's keeping you from sleeping?" She turned her head slightly toward him.

"Starfleet protocol, believe it or not."

She nodded bracing herself for more unsolicited advice.

"There's no precedent for something like this, we could end up dying out here and it seems unfair of you to have to deprive yourself of one of the most basic human needs."

"This isn't about sex Chakotay."

"No, I know it's not. If it was just about the sex I doubt it would be a problem." He gave her a greasy grin. "I was talking about love, but sex fits in there too."

She shook her head.

"What are your options? You can walk around constantly wondering 'what if' and let the tension continue to build and trust me Kathryn it will continue to build, you can date her and if we get back before you are old enough to retire then you can deal with the brass at Starfleet and if you are retirement age tell them to kiss your ass, or you can kick her off at the next M class planet."

She lifted an eyebrow. "That's hardly fair."

"Well I was going to say throw her out of an airlock but I knew you wouldn't go for it."

"No," She grinned lightly. "However if she keeps pushing my buttons I may be tempted."

He smiled. "You should try and get some sleep."

"Captain." Tom caught up with her in the hall as headed for the astrometrics lab the following morning.

"Lieutenant." She stopped and turned to him. "What can I do for you? Aren't you off duty today?"

"I am." He nodded. "I just wanted to let you know that no one on board would begrudge you if you decided to start dating someone on the crew."

"Was there a meeting I don't know about?"

"A meeting?" His brow wrinkled. "I don't think so."

* * *

"You should talk to her." Seven continued to press buttons on the console in front of her taking advantage of the solitude the astrometrics lab currently offered them.

"I don't know who you are talking about." Janeway crossed her arms over her chest and continued to look at the large view screen. She wished everyone would mind their own business.

"Dr. Kiser." Seven cocked her head to the side. "She is a near perfect specimen and extremely intelligent."

"I thought you were interested in B'Elanna."

Seven's lips curled subtly. "You need not worry Captain, B'Elanna and I are compatible."

"Compatible." Her voice fluctuated on the word.

"Perhaps 'happy' is a more accurate assessment." She nodded satisfied with her choice of words. "You should be happy."

"At one point you would have told me 'happiness is irrelevant.'"

"And you would have told me it was a fundamental of humanity."

Janeway nodded. "I should check on the bridge."

"You should talk to Dr. Kiser." Seven ignored protocol as she often did.

She gave her a warning look. "I heard you the first time, Seven."

She turned over and stared at the ceiling of her quarters. Of all the 'advice' she'd been given it was what Seven had said that she just couldn't seem to get out of her head. She wanted to be happy, truly happy. Happy like she was when she was with Mark, or maybe even happier. She wanted Tegan to be happy too, but what if she had hurt her too badly? She had to admit she could have handled the morning after a little bit better. Instead she had let her fear and guilt take over and treated Tegan like a one night stand. The thought made her stomach churn.

"Computer lights." She threw the covers off and went into the sitting room of her quarters and sat behind her small desk there. "Captain's log…"

* * *

"Janeway and the doctor will be here in a minute but I wanted to run something by you all before she gets here." Chakotay stood at the head of the table in the briefing room. "As senior staff would any of you have a problem with the Captain dating a member of Voyager?"

"Why Chakotay are you pitching for a home run?" Tom asked.

He gave Tom an irritated look that he reserved for times like this. "No Tom."

"In that case I don't see a problem."

"Neither do I." Harry shrugged.

"Do you ask this because the captain asked you to or merely to satisfy your own curiosity?" Seven's ocular implant rose several centimeters.

"Captain Janeway is unaware of my query."

"Then I do not believe we should be talking about this without the Captain present."

Tuvok lifted an eyebrow and tilted his head. "Nor do I."

"Doctor, you're running late." Janeway caught up to him in the hall.

"As are you Captain." He pointed to his upper arm. "I was having some problems getting my mobile emitter to accept my program. I'll have to let Seven or B'Elanna take a look at it."

"Yes, and I do believe the sooner the better Doctor." She opened the door to the briefing room. "After you."

"No Captain, after you." He smiled. "I always try to be a gentleman after all."

"And here I thought it was because of my rank." She smirked and walked in as Chakotay took his seat. "Did you start without me?"

"We were just talking." Chakotay shrugged.

"Anything interesting?"

"Not really." Tom shook his head causing Janeway to glance curiously around the table.

"Actually," Seven felt a nudge from under the table and assumed it was B'Elanna and not Harry. She frowned lightly at her. "We were talking about intrapersonal relationships."

"Is there something I need to know Seven?" She looked between her and B'Elanna.

"No Captain, all is well."

"Well, now that that's settled." She stepped behind her chair and rested her hand on the tall back. "I have an announcement of my own to make. I have decided to break or rather bend another one of Starfleet's rules regarding fraternization and I am going try dating a member of the crew."

"It's about time." B'Elanna grinned.

"Most of you have come to me over the last couple days and given me your unsolicited opinions. Some of you have been more vocal than others, but after careful consideration I have decided to follow my instinct in this case and deal with the consequences of my actions when we return to the Alpha quadrant, which I have no doubt we will. I will however defer any major command decisions regarding this person to Commander's Chakotay and Tuvok who will be my constant sounding board." They both nodded their approval.

"Who is this person?" The Doctor's brow wrinkled deeply.

"Dr. Kiser of course." Harry answered as if he knew this for a fact and not just a hunch.

"Why am I always the last to know?"

"Do you have an objection Doctor?" Janeway narrowed her gaze on him.

"Only to the fact that no one ever tells me these things."

"I didn't tell anyone." She looked around the table.

"In that case, no I have no objections. It's about time you found someone; unlike some people you aren't getting any younger."


	25. Chapter 25

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 2:

Rolling in the Deep 25

Just before the meeting Janeway stormed into Tegan's quarters.

"Um, hello!" She looked up from where she was sitting in her uniform with her leg propped up. "Knock? I could be naked. Ask the computer to announce your presence, something. These are my quarters."

Janeway ignored her as she narrowed her blue gaze on her. "Were you trying to give me an out? You had the doctor seal off my results so I could lie to you and tell you I had been infected even if I hadn't?"

Tegan sat the PADD she was reading aside and dropped her injured foot gingerly to the floor as she adjusted her tone. "Where you infected?"

"No, not that it matters." She took a deep breath. "Although the Doctor did mention the pheromones floating around could've affected some of the female crew." She stepped closer. "We've got to work this out."

"Look, you wanted a one night stand. I was your one night stand." She shrugged her shoulders as if it didn't matter. "No big deal, let's move on."

"Is that what you think it was?"

"That is what it was. You made yourself very clear the following morning." Tegan turned her face away from her. She wanted to know why there was never an escape route for her during these conversations.

Janeway pulled up a chair and sat down. "The truth is I'm normally in much better control, but I've been unable to stop thinking about you almost since the moment I met you. I don't typically do that and I've been telling myself it won't work, it can't work. But I can't function like this. I can't get you off my mind. The only reason I said it was a mistake is because as a captain I never should have crossed that line, but as a woman I will never regret a second of it."

"If this is because I was a virgin and I gave you that part of me, I don't want your sympathy." Her voice was soft as it choked through her vocal chords. "Please leave."

"Is that what you really want?"

"It's what you want." She closed her eyes as she heard Janeway move, only it wasn't away from her like she had expected. In a matter of seconds she felt warm fingers grasping her hand.

"Have you heard anything I've just said?" She wanted to shake some sense into her or slap it into her if she was playing hard to get. "I want to do this right. I want to date you and see where it leads."

Tegan opened her eyes and analyzed her for a minute. "But you're my Captain."

"And for now that's how it will remain, but as soon as we return to earth I will hand in my commission regardless of our status as a couple."

"I could never ask you to do that."

"You aren't asking."

"Well I won't let you, I'm not Starfleet." She reached up with her biomechanical hand and pulled off her rank. "I never was."

Janeway refused to accept the insignia. "You are out of uniform Lieutenant." She deadpanned. "If we are going to do this we're going to leave things status quo. I am on my way to a senior staff meeting where I will make an announcement of my decision and I will request that Commanders Chakotay and Tuvok be my failsafe when it comes to command and you."

"So I suppose the entire crew will be made aware?"

"I haven't planned that far ahead." She looked at Tegan for a minute. "I'm not sure how important it is that they know at this point but there are some things that you are going to have to realize."

"You're married to Voyager and the crew comes first. I wouldn't want it any other way." She assured before sighing. "You do realize that just dating me is an offense worthy of court martial."

"No more so than what I've already done to you."

"You forget I was a willing participant." She reminded softly.

"Were you?" She needed to be sure.

"More than you may ever know." She cleared her throat. "I believe you are going to be late for your meeting."

"You're still confined to your quarters for another three hours, and as Captain when I say jump from now on you'd better ask how high. But when we're off duty we're on equal footing."

"We're never off duty Captain, and the jump goes for me on the medical front. Not that I expect you to ever be a willing patient."

* * *

It was crazy. She knew it was crazy but her heart kept beating faster as she wiped her palms on her jeans. She hoped she wasn't dressed too casual as she hit the button on the panel outside the door.

"You made it." Janeway opened the door instead of using a voice command.

Tegan mirrored her smile. "Of course."

"Well, you are always on call, Doctor." Her voice dipped low in its register as she spoke the title which raised goosed bumps along Tegan's spine.

"As are you Captain." She grinned lightly. "But I would have informed you if an emergency had popped up."

"Come in." She stepped aside allowing her entrance into her quarters. "And please you can call me Kathryn."

"Yes ma'am." Another grin as she maneuvered into the room.

"Make yourself comfortable." Kathryn pointed to the couch as the door closed automatically behind them.

"Fondue?" Tegan took in the set up.

"Considering your ankle I thought we'd do something different and I thought fondue was good couch food. It is alright I hope?" There was a slight quiver in her voice belaying her normal confidence. She really didn't like first dates.

Tegan settled on the couch and moved her crutches out of the way. Kathryn joined her at a respectable distance. "You know B'Elanna bit Seven and then she had to wait 'til the third date to even be able to kiss her on the cheek."

"Third date?" Kathryn looked horrified. "Isn't that a little soon?"

Tegan looked at her for a minute before shrugging.

"I want to do this the way we should have done this the first time."

"So I'm not getting lucky tonight?" Tegan forced a disappointed frown.

"I'm afraid not."

"Thank goodness." Tegan laughed lightly as she watched one of Kathryn's eyebrows dip. "It's too much pressure. Not that the first time wasn't great but I agree we need to make sure we're not just in it for the sex."

"Well now that we've gotten that out of the way," Janeway pointed to the food, "let's eat."

* * *

A/N: If you are reading this author's note I want to THANK YOU for reading this series or at least this story. I appreciate the feedback some you give me. I'll even accept your flames if you must share them, it gives me something to heat my home with in the cold winter months. I am working on the next story in the series, and I am hoping to start posting it in the next week or two. With Independence day coming up here in the US and some other projects I have going on, I doubt I will get it up this week but you never know. I am doubtful I will actually finish the entire story before I start posting, only because I don't want to leave you hanging too long. I will tease you a little and let you know there are a couple of HOT chapters already written. So, if you follow me you'll be notified when I post, if you don't-why aren't you? Just kidding, if you don't follow me check back if you want some steam on your screen.


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